Quotes that make me laugh and/or are relatable:

"Why fall in love when you can fall asleep"

"I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a f***ing lady"

"How could you?! I trusted you! 
Well then you can't exactly blame me, can you? It was your mistake."

"I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude and that's not my problem."

"I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I'm right."