Saixuny

اعع اعرف اني تافهة جد بس محتاجه الصور حقك اللي حاطتيها بروفايل 

I know no one cares but I posted smth and forget to announce.. i though I gotta tell because I always announce.

Hey ..
          
          Few days before university admissions results, I am just not excited.. literally everyone is waiting..but I’m not ready for another fail .. I wanna be my dream , is that too much..?
          
          I guess what Mayada said in “Christmas in Makka “ was true ..
          “Mariam , at this innocent and naive age, has the illusion that she will get what she deserves”
          I can relate ..and it seems like I would never get what I want ..
          
          Since when people are being accused of selfishness because the chase their dreams ? ..or even demands their freedom!!..or even for making their own decisions..since when are we forced to wear narrow shoes!
          It had been always this way, the answer is clear but I am so sad and adding drama..
          
          I dreamt of wings , and they are cut !! How can I live on the ground again!?
          
          Violence..violence everywhere, in our houses , our beds , our minds and hearts ..even inside of us..
          
          I just hate the fact that I can do nothing .. my heart is getting smaller..
          
          
          
          101021~
          
          

Hey .~
          
          Does it make sense? ..There is no body in this whole world I can talk to ?
          Is it me ? The problem..?
          I feel sometimes that I can’t talk about my feelings..it is just hard !
          Anyways , I am feeling like it’s really impossible to be happy again , I know ..everything will be better , even after a year maybe? Who knows..
          I spend a big part of my day sleeping , I mean I barely wakeup , I am feeling sad for my parents too , they are sad too about me ..but yeah I can’t move !!
          I stopped every single activity in my routine ..
          I can’t do anything .
          My friend asked me , what happened?
          I said : nothing, I am ok 
          She was confused, I have NEVER been that cold with her , so she asked : Is it that bad?
          I was like : Oh no , just a couple of dreams have blown away!
          .
          Everything is gone ! 
          EVERY FUCKING THING <3
          
          .
          21 September

Today is a new day, I mean ..isn't it ?
          
          I am trying now to double my efforts , have nothing to say , but I am feeling alittle hopeful for today, even my father has scolded my yesterday lol ..and I woke up a little late ,but it is ok because I had dream about Jimin TT ..
          .
          .
          
          I have found a song called "High hopes" 
          I like so much even though it is not my type 
          about music from my type, let's say Troye Sivan is the winner, all of his music so damn good *-*
          in addition , I like ariana grande songs , oh also 5SOS's music is so addicting ...
          .
          finally I have to say , thank godness for creating coffee!!
          .
          4 May 
          

I have to wake up after 3 hours :)!
          
          I also had an argue with my teacher, and it had ended with a disagreement TT 
          
          I HATE MY PHYSICS TEACHER AF 
          
          -Angry 
          
          4 May

It's funny, how last night I said and promised that I will never stop studing, and it is almost 5 Pm , I didn't even start..
          
          it is really hard to keep promises..

I am noticing some typos in these posts , and I think it can be ignored because I don't know how to fix or edit in this app !!
          
          LOL

It is 5 am, I cannot even open my eyes, I am exhausted ,I still have to study for like two hours  .. 
          
          I had a little fight with my best friend .. and it hurts when you have to apologize to preserve the relationship, while the other doesn't give a shit ..
           I mean, she used to break my heart, and I always act normal ..and ignore , it is my fault I know..
          but I cannot be mad at her, because I love her so much , I can't help with that , but wonder why she doesn't care about me though?
          
          "Frindship, it's complicated" 
          Hannah baker once said ..
          
          
          ...
          
          any ways, I am ging through alot, I am just so hopeless..imagening how I will fell down ..
          I hope .. somethi g save me. like a miracle.. I really need one TT 
          
          3 may 

بس برضو أحس يسلي، يعني محد غيري هنا، فممكن أخليها زي المدونة الخاصة لي ، عاد من كثر الفولورز أحس أني اتكلم مع نفسي ، فممكن استخدم الانجليزي عشان انا أحسن فيه وأعبر بطريقة أصح :)