Satan

Please come to Hell, I’m so lonely. 

Why fall in love when you can fall into the fiery pits of Hell. 

Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 
          Your GPA doesn’t matter in Hell. 

God watches you masturbate. 

Reasons why you should come to Hell:
          -Please
          -I’m 
          -Lonely 

Murderer: Any last words
          
          Me: Hurry up before someone has the chance to stop you

I keep getting Christmas lists from dyslexic kids

*Torturing demons in Hell*
          
          Demon: Harder daddy
          Me: We’re done here

*During sex*
          
          Her: Oh God
          
          Me: Wth did you just say

I was actually suppose to rise centuries ago, I’ve just been to lazy to actually do it