*turns around in a spinning chair*

Well hello there. I guess you want me to tell you about myself...

I'm 65 years old and my name is Ariel and I have long red hair and live in the sea with my mermaids. But I am a man that hunts dirt for a living and get 100k per month

My mom is 12 years old and is born on March 29 1947. My wife is also born on that day and is also my mom. 

I'm also married to spongebob so I'm a polygamist. We have 10 children who ages range from 156 through 666. Satan is also my pet and lives under the rugs where the dust bunnies are hungry for blood. 

In the clouds, we live in a pineapple apple pen house away from the predators called unicorns where they use their long pointy bone to make sparkles. It's terrifying.

•

I bet you know that's all false.
Here's a true version:

My name is asha and I'm __ and I have majestic poofy hair. Bla bla bla

I work full time and die as a student.

My mom is something something years old (actually not really sure) and is born in bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
Anyways: I'm Me and my hobbies are spongebob. The End.