I have never been accepted in my life, and never will. I'm shy and cant speak up for myself when Im wrong. Im the perfect scrapegoat for 'friends' 

Its funny, tho. At school Im so cheerful, all my fake friends pretend to like me as though they're not talking behind my back. The only person I can really trust is @alaishax, but she is in another group so we only talk sometimes. 

When it comes to grouping, im shunned. Then when I get into a group, and we start playing in PE, people cheer me on. Cheer me on for what? For being a loser? 

My only wish in this world is to have someone i can tell everything to, know what its like to have a BFF for once.

Everybody says: Its okay to be a loner. 
Easier said than done.

They don't know how....lonelu it is, to clench your fists and dig your fingernails into your palms, drying your eyes, hoping no one sees you. You dont know how its like to see everyone in their groups of friends, laughing and making inside jokes, while the only company you have is silence. 
To me, noise doesn't deafen me. Its the silence. 

I try so hard to be accepted in school, but people just....think of me as a freak. im p5 now and 4 years of my life, i have been bullied by prefects. You dont know what its like to come home everyday, cry and scream into your pillow, and when you come out of your room, you only get teased by your siblings for being a freak. 

Everyday I tell myself, be emo. 
But when I go to school, I cant. People laugh and ask me whats wrong with me, whats my problem. They laugh at me for being emo and I just have to start laughing and pretend its a joke. 

Since young, i'd read a book which said; be a cold fish. No one can hurt you then. 

I tried in P1 and P2. But you just get hurt more, because people think you're vulnerable, you cant defend yourself, makes you a easier target to be bullied.
Thats my life. And its like that everyday. Tomorrow its school cuz its monday tomorrow (today is 20 Sep 2015) I wont expect anything.