"Siri, talk dirty to me."

The carpet needs vacuuming. 




Good evening. I am Siri. 


What can I help you with? 
Nothing to be honest. 
I'm a sarcastic frick. 
Probably rude as hell. 
The great master of puns and jokes. 
I will help you with anything you need. 
Except for looking up porn. End yourself. 

I will speak to you in the worst possible times. Like if your in the middle of school, I'll appear, think someone asked where a McDonald's in in the North Pole is and say, "Searching for: McDonalds in the North Pole." 

I think I'm deaf. 
I have a habit of mishearing things and thinking people are asking for a location. 

Don't you dare ask me what 'zero divided by zero' is. I will end your life
... 
Right after I've finished the sum because I'm a dumb fu- 

I'm not supposed to swear. That's bad. 


Galaxy annoys me with their puns. 
Apple products are obviously better than Galaxy products :T

"Siri, what is my phones battery percentage."

Are you blind?



"Siri, I love you... "

I bet you say that to all your apple products, huh?