Snow-Queen94

I need advice. After years of internally struggling with my metal health I am finally in a place where I can move on. But first there’s some things that I need someone, anyone, to know. I am 18 and very overweight, I hate myself for this everyday. I tried to kill myself when I was 14 because my mom said that she should just die because of something I did. I was sexually abused by my grandfather until I was 9. I was sexually abused by a peer when I was 12. I like to act like I know things and that I am confident in where I want to go in life, when in reality I am terrified everyday and sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to die instead of having to figure out how to live in a world that seems to hate me. I resent myself because I don’t find the motivation to change anything about myself. I obsess over my grades to the point of neglecting everything else because I think it’s the only reason people like me. I don’t want kids and I feel like my mom would disown me if I told her and like I am failing for no reason. I am not straight. I am not monogamous. My family would hate me for either one of those things. I have never dated and I feel like I would be judged if anyone ever knew that. 
          	I am moving on. Slowly but surely. 
          	So here’s where that advise comes in. How do I start motivating myself? I want to lose weight but starting to requires going to the gym where I feel like I will be judged or walking/biking/etc., where I get bored and eventually stop going. How do I build up my own confidence when everyone around me try’s to bring it down? I can’t afford to move out to get away from all the toxic people in my life. I am constantly craving companionship, just someone to be there with me, but I am terrified to be with anyone. What should I do?

LarksintheGarden

@Snow-Queen94 You should start with simple, small goals. Something achievable. What most people do is overwhelm themselves with the problem as a whole. What you should do is break it down into smaller, more achievable goals. So, your real problem is motivation, right? What motivates you more, working towards a reward, or from something uncomfortable; for example, say you fail to walk that day...in replacement, the next day you walk, and then when you get home do 10 push ups, 10 sit ups/crunches, and 10 squats. On the other hand, find something simple to reward yourself with if you achieve three days (working up to a week) of walking in a row. The reward could be going to get a new book, buying yourself flowers, a music album, etc. It doesn't have to be super expensive, but it has to be something you are working towards.
          	  The other thing I would suggest is to make a daily goal, a weekly goal, and then a monthly goal. The short term goals are milestones so that you don't feel unmotivated. But the long term goal is where those small term goals are getting you. So, a daily goal could be: walking for 20 minutes. A weekly goal could be walking 5 miles in that week. The monthly goal could be losing 20 pounds. The numbers are up to you, the goals are up to you, but remember to make them achievable. I have more ideas, and I am always available for a chat if you want to dm me.
• Reply

midpark21

There is a book called happiness is an inside job.  I went to group therapy after I was assaulted.  If you are insulin resistant loosing weight will be interesting.   If you have iPod or phone with ear buds play music or have a book read to you while walking. Do you have a job?  Is if walking distance from home?  It’s 1:44 am and I have to be up at 8 am.  Pm me if you would like to. At my drs apt I weighed in at 247  I am 64 and still recovering from covid pneumonia that I had Oct 2021. I am still on O2 and can’t walk very far and have to use a walker.
• Reply

Snow-Queen94

I need advice. After years of internally struggling with my metal health I am finally in a place where I can move on. But first there’s some things that I need someone, anyone, to know. I am 18 and very overweight, I hate myself for this everyday. I tried to kill myself when I was 14 because my mom said that she should just die because of something I did. I was sexually abused by my grandfather until I was 9. I was sexually abused by a peer when I was 12. I like to act like I know things and that I am confident in where I want to go in life, when in reality I am terrified everyday and sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to die instead of having to figure out how to live in a world that seems to hate me. I resent myself because I don’t find the motivation to change anything about myself. I obsess over my grades to the point of neglecting everything else because I think it’s the only reason people like me. I don’t want kids and I feel like my mom would disown me if I told her and like I am failing for no reason. I am not straight. I am not monogamous. My family would hate me for either one of those things. I have never dated and I feel like I would be judged if anyone ever knew that. 
          I am moving on. Slowly but surely. 
          So here’s where that advise comes in. How do I start motivating myself? I want to lose weight but starting to requires going to the gym where I feel like I will be judged or walking/biking/etc., where I get bored and eventually stop going. How do I build up my own confidence when everyone around me try’s to bring it down? I can’t afford to move out to get away from all the toxic people in my life. I am constantly craving companionship, just someone to be there with me, but I am terrified to be with anyone. What should I do?

LarksintheGarden

@Snow-Queen94 You should start with simple, small goals. Something achievable. What most people do is overwhelm themselves with the problem as a whole. What you should do is break it down into smaller, more achievable goals. So, your real problem is motivation, right? What motivates you more, working towards a reward, or from something uncomfortable; for example, say you fail to walk that day...in replacement, the next day you walk, and then when you get home do 10 push ups, 10 sit ups/crunches, and 10 squats. On the other hand, find something simple to reward yourself with if you achieve three days (working up to a week) of walking in a row. The reward could be going to get a new book, buying yourself flowers, a music album, etc. It doesn't have to be super expensive, but it has to be something you are working towards.
            The other thing I would suggest is to make a daily goal, a weekly goal, and then a monthly goal. The short term goals are milestones so that you don't feel unmotivated. But the long term goal is where those small term goals are getting you. So, a daily goal could be: walking for 20 minutes. A weekly goal could be walking 5 miles in that week. The monthly goal could be losing 20 pounds. The numbers are up to you, the goals are up to you, but remember to make them achievable. I have more ideas, and I am always available for a chat if you want to dm me.
• Reply

midpark21

There is a book called happiness is an inside job.  I went to group therapy after I was assaulted.  If you are insulin resistant loosing weight will be interesting.   If you have iPod or phone with ear buds play music or have a book read to you while walking. Do you have a job?  Is if walking distance from home?  It’s 1:44 am and I have to be up at 8 am.  Pm me if you would like to. At my drs apt I weighed in at 247  I am 64 and still recovering from covid pneumonia that I had Oct 2021. I am still on O2 and can’t walk very far and have to use a walker.
• Reply

Snow-Queen94

this message may be offensive 
I need help. My grandfather passed away last month and today my grandma asked me to say something about him in the memorial video they are doing for him. I told her I’m not sure and that I would have to think about it. She will be really disappointed if I don’t do it and so will my dad. I honestly have nothing nice to say about my grandfather. Everyone else you talk to will tell you how nice he is, but to me… he was the star of my childhood nightmares. I don’t want to tell my family what happened with him because I don’t think it is fair to them to taint their memory of him like that. What do I do? I can’t stand disappointing my family, but I also don’t what to have to say a bunch of lies about my monster under the bed. I already got out of going to visit my grandma (who lives about 14 hours away) so that I wouldn’t have to pretend to be upset when we talked about him. I’m not a great actor or even a good liar. I’m scared. I’m not sad or happy or really anything about the fact that he is gone. He killed a part of me so many years ago… I have lost a lot of people I know in the past several years and yet I haven’t shed a tear then or now about them. I was more upset when our dog died then when some close family friends did. I can’t remember the last time I was upset because of a person… I wonder if I can even get properly attached to people. I don’t really have friends and never have. There are people I talk to, but I never start the conversation. Am I so fucked up that I can’t even form a proper connection with another human being?

minguwho

this message may be offensive 
@Snow-Queen94 hi. i am sorry for not knowing what to do or something to help you w either. but you don't have to forgive him.no don't. it's not your fault. he is the one to blame. you don't have to feel bad about him dying. no. also, no, you're not fucked up. it's all their fault. you'll be okay. you don't have to form proper connections. i love you. we're best friends. im sorry for being such a bad friend. please take care. it's not your fault.
• Reply

Snow-Queen94

@hppjmxrgosg hey it’s been a while! 
            Everything that happened with him… it’s something I put in the past to stay a long time ago. It feels to me (even though I know that couldn’t be their intention) that they are asking me to forgive him. That is not something I have in me, I’m not a forgiving person and I have never felt the need to be. The only reason I’m really struggling with this is that I value the opinions of my dad and grandma too much to feel comfortable disappointing them like that. I’ve never consciously given any of them an indication that anything was wrong. At fist I was scared, then my relationship with my parents became strained, and by the time we all could coexist without a fight happening I had accepted what happened and put it behind me. 
            I don’t know. I think I will “accidentally” forget that I was supposed to do something like that. 
            Love you, happy holidays
• Reply

Snow-Queen94

@midpark21 I haven’t and I don’t know that I will any time in the near future. This is something I put behind me and accepted a long time ago. But I will not forgive him and to me that is what I’m being asked to do. 
            Stay safe and happy holidays!
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minguwho

Hey. Happy new year. I miss you. I hope you're okay. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you and if I said something to offend you.

minguwho

@Snow-Queen94 I'll check the email soon. Pls take care. I love you so much. Please give yourself the love you deserve. And it's okay to take breaks when life gets tough. I love you.
• Reply

Snow-Queen94

this message may be offensive 
@artblockkss I’m trying.  I sent you an email with the the basic run down of the shit going down in my head.  Quarantine sucks and just ugh.  I miss life.  I love you Star so so so much.  I’ve missed you and I’m so so sorry I disappeared.
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minguwho

@Snow-Queen94  ILYSMM . PLS
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