Snow-Queen94

@Snow-Queen94 You should start with simple, small goals. Something achievable. What most people do is overwhelm themselves with the problem as a whole. What you should do is break it down into smaller, more achievable goals. So, your real problem is motivation, right? What motivates you more, working towards a reward, or from something uncomfortable; for example, say you fail to walk that day...in replacement, the next day you walk, and then when you get home do 10 push ups, 10 sit ups/crunches, and 10 squats. On the other hand, find something simple to reward yourself with if you achieve three days (working up to a week) of walking in a row. The reward could be going to get a new book, buying yourself flowers, a music album, etc. It doesn't have to be super expensive, but it has to be something you are working towards.
            The other thing I would suggest is to make a daily goal, a weekly goal, and then a monthly goal. The short term goals are milestones so that you don't feel unmotivated. But the long term goal is where those small term goals are getting you. So, a daily goal could be: walking for 20 minutes. A weekly goal could be walking 5 miles in that week. The monthly goal could be losing 20 pounds. The numbers are up to you, the goals are up to you, but remember to make them achievable. I have more ideas, and I am always available for a chat if you want to dm me.

There is a book called happiness is an inside job.  I went to group therapy after I was assaulted.  If you are insulin resistant loosing weight will be interesting.   If you have iPod or phone with ear buds play music or have a book read to you while walking. Do you have a job?  Is if walking distance from home?  It’s 1:44 am and I have to be up at 8 am.  Pm me if you would like to. At my drs apt I weighed in at 247  I am 64 and still recovering from covid pneumonia that I had Oct 2021. I am still on O2 and can’t walk very far and have to use a walker.  

@Snow-Queen94 hi. i am sorry for not knowing what to do or something to help you w either. but you don't have to forgive him.no don't. it's not your fault. he is the one to blame. you don't have to feel bad about him dying. no. also, no, you're not fucked up. it's all their fault. you'll be okay. you don't have to form proper connections. i love you. we're best friends. im sorry for being such a bad friend. please take care. it's not your fault.

@hppjmxrgosg hey it’s been a while! 
            Everything that happened with him… it’s something I put in the past to stay a long time ago. It feels to me (even though I know that couldn’t be their intention) that they are asking me to forgive him. That is not something I have in me, I’m not a forgiving person and I have never felt the need to be. The only reason I’m really struggling with this is that I value the opinions of my dad and grandma too much to feel comfortable disappointing them like that. I’ve never consciously given any of them an indication that anything was wrong. At fist I was scared, then my relationship with my parents became strained, and by the time we all could coexist without a fight happening I had accepted what happened and put it behind me. 
            I don’t know. I think I will “accidentally” forget that I was supposed to do something like that. 
            Love you, happy holidays

@midpark21 I haven’t and I don’t know that I will any time in the near future. This is something I put behind me and accepted a long time ago. But I will not forgive him and to me that is what I’m being asked to do. 
            Stay safe and happy holidays! 

@Snow-Queen94 I'll check the email soon. Pls take care. I love you so much. Please give yourself the love you deserve. And it's okay to take breaks when life gets tough. I love you.

@artblockkss I’m trying.  I sent you an email with the the basic run down of the shit going down in my head.  Quarantine sucks and just ugh.  I miss life.  I love you Star so so so much.  I’ve missed you and I’m so so sorry I disappeared.

@Snow-Queen94  ILYSMM . PLS