theashasylum
Hi, so I read your story so far and there are some stuff that needs work.
1.) In the description, you mentioned that main character's name is "Selina" but in the cast chapter, there is no mention of a Selina but a "Y/N." It's either one or the other: you can name protagonist "Selina" (and have her FC be young Ursula from OUAT) or have their be Y/N. It can't be both, this just creating unnecessary confusion for your audience and it's going to turn them away from your book.
2.) That being said, don't write things like "P/N" for pet name, you can give these minor characters a name of their own.
3.) The story doesn't have to be in italics or centered (except during flashbacks to signal to the audience that the passage they're reading is different from the rest and is taking place is the past.) It could be in a regular font and aligned left as a normal book is.
4.) You shouldn't add to each chapter. Rather, it would be better to create another chapter with a playlist for the story after your Cast chapter, so your audience knows what songs they should listen to as they read through the book.
5.) If you're going to tell the story from a 1st person POV, then stick to it. Don't switch back and forth between 1st and 3rd.
6.) You shouldn't reveal outright that Ursula is your protag's mother. Rather, have it hinted along the way that she knows who her mother is but isn't close to her. This way, the reveal later in D2 is bigger and has more impact.
7.) In the 1st chapter with Evie's birthday, it would be far better if Hades were there with your protag. Both Mal and Maleficent sees him there with the protag, and it adds another layer of anger for them both on top of the fact that Mal wasn't invited.
8.) If you're keeping Ursula as your protag's mother, you have to remember Ursula is a cecaelia, half-human and half-octopus. And octopi don't have fins or scales. It's a small detail but it can take the reader out of the story entirely because it's incorrect.
theashasylum
@SnowdropGirl15 And you could space out the stars and hearts for your page dividers to draw attention to the fact this is supposed to be a page break. This isn't about "getting everything right." It's about making sure that your book and story stands out from the many others on this platform. It's about giving readers something that would like to read and ensuring that they follow the story to its end, not turning them off from the beginning. And the small things like character details, stylization and personalization can all help in that regard. Of course, you don't have to follow my suggestions but I am only suggesting them because I'll think they'll be of use to you. What do you afterwards is entirely up to you.
theashasylum
@SnowdropGirl15 But the fact of the matter is that you want your protag's mother to be Ursula, so her being a cecaelia is part of that. You could also cut that scene mentioning her since your protag isn't direct contact with the water in that dream sequence with Ben. And maybe have your protag avoid water (until the reveal in D2), which makes sense since canonically no one on the Isle knows how to swim due to the barrier. There's nothing wrong with your protag being biracial. The point in your description is that you mentioned that your protag's name was "Selina." But in your cast list, your protag is listed as Y/N. I'm suggesting that you change the story description and/or cast list to reflect who you want your protag to be for consistency.
SnowdropGirl15
But I don't agree with everything else. The reason why I gave her a tail because there's going to be a detail later on in descendants 1 that will make sense of it, if I made her a half octopus it would be a dead giveaway to who her mother is.
The only time when it's going to be in italics is if there's a flashback, or when she is dreaming.
Y/N is supposed to be biracial, there isn't that many descendants books where the reader or oc character is black or biracial. That being said I used Tiffany Boone just for the cast list is because I want the readers to know the reader is black or they can at least imagine who they want it to be.
The hearts and stars are the page dividers, this is my first book so don't be shocked if I don't get everything right the first time.
I know you have your opinions about it, but I don't think there's anything wrong about the way I'm writing certain characters or how I want my book to be formatted
