Okay, so, explanation for what happened..
My girlfriend broke up with me. I was heartbroken and confused. I didn't understand why it'd happened. So, I started venting to some friends because I needed comfort. It got so bad, I couldn't even look at outfits I knew she liked and I'd lost my apatite. Some of these 'friends' took advantage of my vulnerable state and, due to their dislike for her, convinced me that I'd been used by a horrible toxic person.
I was angry and wanted to stay that way because I still loved her. Being angry and hating who I told myself she was felt much better than loving someone who would never feel the same again. But then, a friend came along and after a LOT of convincing, I got into contact with her again. A special thanks to them and their patience!
She never used me nor was she toxic. The breakup was caused by my own poor mental health and my own poor choice in friends. My people-pleasing tendencies caused me to not side with her and my habit of hiding my feelings made it so I wouldn't tell her when I was hurting. This worsened when I stopped being affectionate in order to make her like me by not being "clingy". All of these things made her feel unseen, uncared for, and unloved. I would leave, too, if I felt like that.
We're on good, or at least, better terms now. After I apologized, she allowed me to stay in her life out of the goodness of her own heart. I'm not sure if I deserve that, but I'll never not appreciate it. She has continued to be a close confidant of mine and I couldn't be more grateful.
It was incredibly wrong of me to be so dramatic and accuse and insult her like that. I'll never not regret it. Since then, I've cut off the friends that caused trouble for us and began to work on my mental health. I'm still on hiatus but for other reasons. She's somewhat of a 'co-author' now in the sense that the roleplay the fic is based off is done with her. I'm happy to have her back in my life, as much improving as I have to do.
