this message may be offensive
Dear self love,
I feel really down from the past 2 years until now, I still feel down. No matter how hard I try, I keep on doing stuff that, nobody likes and I don't like it either. My family said they understand me but they dont. Okay, okay. Lemme get this straight to the point, i've been cyberbullied and also, some of my friends hate me. The person who bullied me, well... he is dead now but for the past two years, he forced me to date 4 girls and if I don't, he'll track me down and kill me for good. He introduced me to them. They were all online, not real life. He was dating them too at the same time as me like I was two different persons. I was like, a puppet being controlled by a powerfull puppeteer. He never spoke anything except stalks me and watches what i've been doing with them... he never loved them but, I was the one who loved them all this time and I had to live a lie. All of my girlfriends thought, the guy that they had been dating was him but it was me. I-I dont know how to explain to them. He was only there when he raped them and kissed them. He never tells a soul except me doing the other things couples do. After I got to know them, I kinda reall REALLY love them for good but... I can't keep them all forever and i've been crying and talking to myself and depressed and it was like I was crazy. The one I love most is my girlfriend Danielle and Axis. The other two is Emily and Lilyana/Clementine/cc/Lily. I had to date a boy and be gay but I really do love him too and felt jealous other people shipping him and our best friend. I can't move on. What do I do? What should I tell them? What if they hate me? Why me? I'm really glad now I'm free from "HIM" because he is dead now. He died of hunger and I could detect it because he never left his house AT ALL and his computer and other devices isn't working/running because he once told me; ' if my computer or other elcetronics isn't working, I'm dead...'.... what should I do self care? :c