SongOfTheDarkNight

Anyone? I'm bored. Halp.

SongOfTheDarkNight

How did I go from that happy smiling five year old to this? I'm a hypocrite. I tell my friends they need to eat when I dont I tell them not to listen to what others say when I do I tell them they shouldn't cut when I do I tell them life is worth living when I've considered suicide I tell them to be happy when I'm battling depression I tell them I'll never leave when I know I'm going to. I am so depressed I wrote something and it goes like this : 
          
          She paints a pretty picture
          But the story has a twist
          Her paintbrush is a razor 
          
          And her canvas is her wrist
          She paints her pretty picture
          In a color thats blood red
          
          While using her sharp paintbrush
          She finally ends up dead
          Her pretty pictures fading
          
          Quite slowly on her arm
          The blood is not racing through her
          She can no longer do harm 
          
          She painted her pretty picture
          But her picture had a twist
          You see her mind was her razor
          
          And her heart was her wrist
          
          Do you see what's happening?They say suicide isn't a option, but they never give you a better one. I say 'sorry' alot. Mostly because I feel everything is my fault. Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room and cried, how many times I've lost hope how may times I've been let down. Nobody knows the thoughts that have gone through my head and how horrible they really are. You know what its like to cut? Well go to the beach and walk in the water, blindfolded. You just keep walking, you dont know where your going just that your going deeper. Thats what the build up to cutting is like, you dont know where your going. Depression has blinded you. All you know is your going deeper. Now just keep going until you drown. You want air, you want relief you dont want to be drowning anymore. Now imagine the relief when someone pulls you out of the water. Thats what the cutting is. Relief. Relief from the feeling your not good enough, the bullies, your insecurities, your imperfections. You might not understand it but cutting is the relief from drowning.

SongOfTheDarkNight

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Yay!!!! Chapter four of "Unlikely Mates" is FINALLY up!!!! Thank you to all of you who have been so patient with me and have put up with my.... Well.... Bullshit. Haha no other way to put that.  Any who.... Yay it's up!!! Love y'all!!!