Spark(y)

Yesterday I puked at school and then spat blood.
          Awesome<3

I feel so tired. I feel like I'm dead. My skin is pale and I stopped eating as much. I don't know what to do with myself. 

So many people that I've failed. So many that I've disappointed... And.. Something big that's supposed to come for me soon...
          
          It is time, my dear, dear friends. It is time that.. I let go of the border between life and death.. And fall into the eternal darkness. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry for being a weak cunt. I'm sorry for everything. Goodbye. I love you all. 

Good morning.
          
          Last night I held a knife to my throat. Though I decided not to.. Yknow. حōмmاт.
          
          I unfortunately have people dear to me that I take care of. Stay awake till like 2 am to put my friend go sleep on VC as shes not able to fall asleep by herself and needs constant comfort. Have two official online daughters. Stopped people from suicide and still seek for those kind of people to save them. They have a lot to live for. Just need to make them realize it. I'm burnt out.. But I will keep on going. For now.
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Now this is a message I want you, whoever you are reading this, to spread to others.
          
          I love you. Your friends love you. We deeply care about you, you deserve, and WILL eventually get better in the future. You just have to be patient. I know you're strong.. I mean.. You already came so far. So... Why not go further and make people proud? Why not fight the pain back and show who's boss? I believe in you. You are important, and how you feel matters lots to those around you. You're an amazing person, I truly mean my words. 
          ~ Spark Eeveegarden 

Lmfao. I expected this to happen: everyone hates me. People are making false accusations, gossips, some are mad at me because they believe fake news. If this continues I won't even have to kill myself, someone will do it for me. Its funny, isn't it? How when you get fucking burnt out, helping as many people as you can, stopping people from suicide.. And life decides to make you feel even worse. Is this a test?... Or... Maybe...
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          M̵̛̺̰͙͉̏̔ã̴̛̻̦͙̐̓̑͂͆̏̂͒̒̕y̵̢͚̝͔̫̭̭̰͖̭̲̜̼̝̺͖̘͇̔̉̉̂̿̆͊ͅb̸̢͉͖͇̬͔̠̩͈͇̌̀̔̈́̀̄́̂͒̈̽͑̽̓̑̚̚̚ͅe̴̡̢̤̦̮̺̹̹̖͔̠̖̰͓̯̼̰͙̒̌̓̑̏͌͘͠ ̶̭̝̱̬̭̣̤̘̮͔̂̅́̀̂͆̑̾͊͂͛̀͋͌̕͝͝į̵̛̝͍̠͕̖̣̂̅̽̆̐̏̅̊̓̋̋́̕̕̕͜ť̸͖̗̘͉̜̻̌̒͂̑̕͝s̶̢̢̟͉̣͇̺͖̲̗̜̖̟̲̗̏̌͠ͅͅͅ ̸̫̱̙̓̊̈͋͌̇̕m̷̹̪̮͍̝̦̬͊̿́̊̌̎̈́͝y̶̧͇͔̺̘͚̯̤̬̹̗͓̤͓͖̽̈́̆͊́͋͐̆̀̒̀̀͛̿̀͂̒̆͜͠ ̷̨̗̺̗̯̮͔̬͎̜̟̗̩̲̙̱̓̐̑̿̓̔̉̆̇͊́̐̉̉̎̾̕͝p̴̢̨͍̱͍̩̥̙̖̳͉̫̈́̒̈́̃̇̊̂͘͜͝͠a̶̡͙̟̹͈̹̟̟͖̰͉̥̻̭̘̟̘̿̀̏̚͜t̶̬̤̗͙͉̍̈̑̔̋̋̄͑̉̓̓̀̇͌̃̊̂̕ḣ̷̡̪̣͉̯͙̥̘̤̪̦̟̹̩̱̓ ̴͕͔̟̪͓̦̟͙̰͗͋̿̔͌̈̊̀͆̓͋̿̕t̶̛̜͍͈̩͈͕̜̫̠̮͚͒̄͐̄͊̇͐͐̒͠o̷̧͓̩̲̳̳̟͇͉͂̎̏ ̶̛̜͖̞̺͚̙̦̤̩̩͖̝͈̙̟͌͋̓͐̃͛̈̋̆̍͌́̚͜t̵̡͙̣̱̮͖̠̰̥̳͙̱̩͎̩̤̰̻̞͊̒̎͝ͅḩ̵̛̠̥̪͔͓̭̑͌́̀̊͛͊̂͝ͅȩ̶̠͓̫̳͖̙̝͖̼̔̒̍̈͊̎̋̊͂͛̓̔̈́̉̽̍̍͘ ̷̧̆̍̿̂̈̃͛͑͆̀̇̋̈́͐̚̚̕͝é̶̯̔̏̐̉̈́̌̉̃̚n̵̼̜̋̽̊̏̓̈̓̾d̶̤̏̓͝..̸̧̛͍̯̻̺͉̮̲͓̲̩͍̺̘̗͊͒̌̽̒̏̓͛͜... ̵̤̤̜͕̞̱̦̗͈̖̘̭̠̤͙̪͗̐̌̀̉̈́̍̓ ̶̨̨̞͈̙̙̖͖̯͌̌̈̕

Lmao I'm at the verge of killing myself. 

My gun arrives today. 

Oh hell naw winter break be over today!!
          Tomorrow is monday NOO