𝓢𝓾𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓮

“Can't you see
          That everyone is dying?
          The animals are crying
          Religions are dividing
          As my family keeps on fighting
          As my family keeps
          Now I'm caught in something
          My eternal suffering
          Looking for the meaning of it all
          But I got nothing
          This internal sadness now I fade the blackness
          Don't know where I go when I die
          Must be better than this
          And I'm here
          Just waiting for you to come home
          And I'm screaming all on my own
          With the revolver and a note
          Will you please pick up the phone?
          And I'm waiting for you to come home
          And I'm screaming all on my own
          With the revolver and a note
          Will you please come back home?
          Ain't it sad when you got nowhere to go?
          Got no place to call your home
          Burden to everyone you know
          And I try
          Just not to think about my life
          So I do another line
          It keeps me numb just for the night
          It keeps me numb just for the night
          Now I'm caught in something
          My eternal suffering
          Looking for the meaning of it all
          But I got nothing
          This internal sadness now I fade the blackness
          Don't know where I go when I die
          Must be better than this
          And I'm here
          Just waiting for you to come home
          And I'm screaming all on my own
          With the revolver and a note
          Will you please pick up the phone?
          And I'm waiting for you to come home
          And I'm screaming all on my own
          With the revolver and a note
          Will you please come back home?”

Throwback lyrics
          
          “My lips feel warm to the touch
          My words seem so alive
          My skin is warm to caress
          I'll control and hypnotise
          You've taught me to lie without a trace
          And to kill with no remorse
          On the outside I'm the greatest guy
          Now I'm dead inside!”

I feel tired tonight
          A word that you can’t forget in a breeze
          Sorry, for not turning back
          Sorry, for selfish self of mine

“There are two ways of exerting one’s strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.” 
          -Booker T. Washington

Six years and I know now
          Call me captain, I'll do it for my crew now
          2011, that's when it started
          My precious team, my compass
          My gang gang walking into emptiness
          Shooting fire, bang bang
          Walking towards a beautiful rosé
          Light, yeah we feel it straight

Some people were born to be alone, never to get the love they give

It’s times like this where I lost track of time working in my room and realize I don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough time for anything anymore. I don’t have time to say everything that needs to be said and I don’t have enough time to get everything done that needs to be done. I push myself to the limit and jump through hoops but at what cost? What’s the price of these actions I take? What’s next? I can’t sleep at night and I struggle to stay awake in the day. I struggle to eat because my demons are inside my head.  I don’t take care of myself so I can take care of others. Dig in deeper, work harder, run faster, go further. I can barely go anywhere lately without panicking. I’ll bear this weight now so it’s lighter later.

The expectations and the weight of bearing all of the negativity but projecting positivity into others so they see sunshine instead of a blizzard can be a lot sometimes but honestly I just put it all on the shelf and look at it. Never to talk about what it does to me. I just keep making the shelf bigger and wearing a mask of false happiness.

All that I wanted was to be wanted

"It's not the ones who are talented or gifted that achieve their dreams. It's the ones who test themselves every day and win the fight against themselves who realize their dreams."  -JYP