Starnightsky264

Hurting me slowly 
          	At first it was fine I could handle the pain, the bad thoughts, slowly the pain got worse so did the darkness around it would hurt to fake day after day, when everything changed it was a new place I was happy, there was no pain for a few weeks but it never left it was just hidden inside slowly coming back out, again it was fine I could ignore it I could cope. The next year was better but worse they where darker thoughts and ideas but I was doing so good to ignore it, but I was tired of smiling. slowly it got a bit better before it got worser again, bader then before every week I wonder why do I keep faking that in fine? Every day is me thinking of a painless way to just end it, to sleep forever to not face any more pain to make it go away, I have friends that worry but I’m asking for help because I can’t escape it by myself. There’s always thoughts of going to deep but as much as I wish it could happen I’m scared of it what if I’m just overreacting? so I keep saying suck it up there’s worse than me but it’s a straggle I’ve lost almost all hope for myself, I have little fight left. I used to talk so much but now it’s small and I feel like giving up and just doing it so I can be happy, all I do is fake being okay and over work my body for other people, I hate every thing about me, my hair, my body, how I talk, how I look, everything other then my eyes because I can see the pain and the darkness I hide away from others. I’ve been trying my hardest, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand.

Starnightsky264

Hurting me slowly 
          At first it was fine I could handle the pain, the bad thoughts, slowly the pain got worse so did the darkness around it would hurt to fake day after day, when everything changed it was a new place I was happy, there was no pain for a few weeks but it never left it was just hidden inside slowly coming back out, again it was fine I could ignore it I could cope. The next year was better but worse they where darker thoughts and ideas but I was doing so good to ignore it, but I was tired of smiling. slowly it got a bit better before it got worser again, bader then before every week I wonder why do I keep faking that in fine? Every day is me thinking of a painless way to just end it, to sleep forever to not face any more pain to make it go away, I have friends that worry but I’m asking for help because I can’t escape it by myself. There’s always thoughts of going to deep but as much as I wish it could happen I’m scared of it what if I’m just overreacting? so I keep saying suck it up there’s worse than me but it’s a straggle I’ve lost almost all hope for myself, I have little fight left. I used to talk so much but now it’s small and I feel like giving up and just doing it so I can be happy, all I do is fake being okay and over work my body for other people, I hate every thing about me, my hair, my body, how I talk, how I look, everything other then my eyes because I can see the pain and the darkness I hide away from others. I’ve been trying my hardest, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand.

Starnightsky264

this message may be offensive 
thank you to the people careing about me unlike others and reading my books (ik not many) but i will upload all my story's just not right now, i've been having a stressful year already with school and other people being asshole (you know who you are) so im sorry for the people that want to see my books and read them