Anna

Last time, when I was supposed to get braces I didn't actually get them. I'm not really sure why. Anyways, I got braces yesterday and it doesn't hurt as much as I expected them to but I did wake up at almost 3 am because they hurt. I did decide that I was too tired to care about it so I went back to bed (although I couldn't fall asleep for a while) lmao. 
          I know cold thing help but for some reason my parents absolutely refuse to believe that and I'm not allowed anything cold (like ice or ice-cream) because it's still too cold outside for that.

I cut my hair SHORT, and it's not the prettiest, it doesn't look exactly how I wanted it to, but I've never felt better because it's short

Does anyone know where I can buy a binder at a reasonable price but also so that it's not very obvious what I want it for. I can just tell my mom it's some kind of crop top or sum shit, as long as it doesn't really say "trans" anywhere (my parent are low-key homophobic).
          Also I live in Poland idk if anyone here knows anywhere (any website or anything) that I can also buy from.

Hello, so I was just making some earring because I wanted to try it and yeah, I just can't believe myself. Anyway, I was making those earrings and I put the first one away then made the other one and when I was done with it I started looking for the first one I made because I wanted to try them on. I couldn't find in so I absolutely trashed my desk and messed up my bed because I was very mad, then preceded to have a breakdown and crying because literally everything kept going wrong today and I was so done.
          Anyway after that I thought for a moment about where that earring could be.
          IT WAS IN MY FUCKING EAR. I PUT IT THERE AND FUCKING FORGOT.

Hi, I'm back, hope nobody missed me too much :). Anyways, this is basically gonna be me venting for the next couple (idk how many, I'm too lazy to count) words because I've got absolutely no one to talk to and I don't expect anyone to read this or anything I just really feel like writing about it (I should get a diary).
          
          So anyway, I was having a mental breakdown yesterday because I do not look like how I feel at all (and this has got a bit to do with my gender identity and shit but also because I cannot dress, look or even act like I feel as in my style). And I've figured that I really enjoy being a girl however I am insanely jealous of boys, of their bodies, styles, appearance and the way they act, and that has made me figure that I really badly want that. The hair, the clothes (and I'm getting a haircut in the near future but not too short. My hair isn't that long anyway). But I can't look like them, I love their hair, especially if it's floofy and short but I do not think I can have that because I'm afraid that it won't suit me.
          Anyway THAT has also made me realise that I've never really liked any guys (unless they were fictional, then I guess a bit?) And this is making me question wether I even feel any attraction towards anyone at all. So yeah.
          And so I'm having another mental breakdown because I'm just sick and tired of the way I look and feeling like I just can't express myself properly.
          I also can't wait until I get to leave this country (still got a few years to go, but that's okay it's not that much anyway) to a country in which I could be fucking free and start fresh.
          So, I'm going to continue crying my wleyes out and I probably WILL be back in the near future to continue with my little rant.
          BYE
          

I'm going to make a mini coming out just because I can. I think I'm aromantic and bisexual, however I'm not sure and I probably will change my mind but that's okay because I guess I'm still young and I've got so much time to figure this shit out. But because I'm not 100% sure I think I might just label myself as queer. I don't know. Anyway I'm doing this here because I've got no one else to come out to so yeah. This was fun.

Hi. I just wanted to say that I have made a story (which isn't a story) and it's technically where I will write almost everything from now on because I just don't want to write everything here. So anyway the first chapter is called Marlene McKinnon because I love her so that's for her because why not. So yeah.

I need help. 
          Not really but it would be great if I got some.
          So I guess I'm sort of going through an identity crisis.
          
          At first I thought I was bisexual (because I liked both guys and girls), then I thought I was asexual ( I guess I just didn't really like the idea of having an intimate relationship with anyone, I still don't), then I thought I was aroace (I didn't want to have a romantic or intimate relationship with anyone), but then I thought I was lithromantic (i don't really know if that's what that was but I liked fantasising about having a romantic relationship with someone but then again I knew I would loose feelings if they ever said they liked me back but no one ever has before, lol), then I thought I was just bisexual again but now I'm super confused because I know I like both guys and girls and even like fantasising about people sometimes however I know I would never actually want to be in a relationship with anyone. But I still love reading romance, like a lot. And I also don't think I've ever actually had any real crushes.
          Then, I'm also confused about my gender. I mean, I guess I'm a girl and I really like it but then again I really want to be a boy sometimes, that is probably just gender envy and doesn't really mean much but I've just been feeling like this more and more often, but I think we can just ignore this bit for now.
          
          Anyway I'm like really confused and although I've, of course, known about y'know queer people or the alphabet mafia (haha) and always supported them and all it just all feels so new.
          Especially since I live in Poland (and my parents are low-key homophobic too) I don't really talk about it because Poland is overall a pretty homophobic country, please correct me if I've made any mistakes or offended anyone and I'm so sorry if I did, I'll make sure it won't happen again:)
          (Also, If I like women, does it mean I'm sapphic?)

Happy Valentines Day!

So, I realised that I'm getting braces on Wednesday already and I never really thought about what sort of braces I'd actually be getting. And my mom (without whom I will never ever go to any dentist or doctor ever), well, I don't think she really knows either because the dentist (or orthodontist, who cares) didn't really explain much either. She only got like a mold of my teeth and told me to go do like a scan or something like this (see, I barely even know what I was actually doing there, that's exactly why I will never be going without my mom) and then she told us I'm going to have to get braces and to schedule and appointment in February (and all of that happened like two months ago now), and it's February now so yeah. This Wednesday.