There is always hope, and there is always a way tbrough a tough situation, I havw been suicidal in the past as well and still have those thoughts and I had a drug problem, but I am in a better place now, There are resources and hotlines you can reach out to to get the help you could use, therapy helps, medication can help. There are ways to get out of the dark, or at the very least shine some light into said darkness. Just remember that you are brave and immensely strong for fighting and continuing to live in spite of the pain that you are in, and remeber that things always get darker before the light comes. Before the sun rises, there is nothing but darkness, but the sun ALWAYS comes.