StoryTellerByFire

@P3rs0on If I could hug you through this screen I would.  *Hugs*  That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time. I can't thank you enough for... listening and actually hearing me. For understanding. It's honestly such a strange feeling to me. Even my therapist didn't put it in such a nice way. I'm usually told that I'm being overdramatic and anxious for no reason. I guess after all these years... the weight of it all was bound to start cracking me. Panic attacks and bursts of depression this last few years should have been a sign, I guess. But I've always been a suffer in silence type but projected a lot of anger to keep people away. Over time, I lost the anger... but It's just been easier to suffer in silence than always being told to 'get over it' or 'stop whining about nothing.' It just feels good to have someone listen for a change. It's exhausting trying to explain how I feel but also feeling like I shouldn't because it doesn't mean anything or hurts too many people around me. Recently, I've been looking back on my life, and it scares me how much of it was spent trying to be 'good enough.'  I'm honestly surprised it took me so long to start breaking. I feel both proud and stupid. To be honest... I don't feel like I will ever deserve anything. But maybe writing and finally publishing something physically will help me realize that I'm good enough... for me. Thank you for being so kind. <3

@StoryTellerByFire You are not a burden. Not even a little. You didn’t dump anything on me. you trusted me, and I’m honored you did. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to carry one dream for this long, or to put so much of yourself into one thing and feel like it has to be worth it. But I do know this: the fact that writing is what keeps you afloat says everything about how real this is to you. That doesn’t make you weak, it means you’ve been surviving the only way you know how. You don’t sound petty. You don’t sound dramatic. You sound exhausted, scared, and deeply invested in something you love. Anyone in your position would feel that way. You don’t owe me strength. You don’t owe this site consistency. You don’t owe anyone proof that you’re “good enough.” If all you do right now is keep writing because it helps you breathe, that’s already enough. I’m really glad you said something instead of holding it in. And I promise, you didn’t make me worry more. You just made me understand better.
            I support you. Even if you think you don't deserve it.

@P3rs0on I am so sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with this drama. It's just... It's good to just get it out, you know. I don't like being a burden or making myself sound like my petty problems mean anything. Other people have it far worse. I know that... It's just been a brutal few years on my self-esteem and self-worth...

@RunningCheetahs It means so much to me when you say things like that.  <3  I always seem to upset people when I take breaks... and though I try not to let it go to my head... It still hurts a little.  But family is important to me, and I don't want to miss anything. <3  My holiday was great. I had a lot of laughs with my family.  Something we really needed to end off this dark year.  ^_^  I hope yours was just as special.  <3

It's the holidays. Of course things are bound to be busy. No need to apologize on writing updates. I know because I've also been busy working between the holiday season and my work. Enjoy your time, think of it as a large break. Despite how tough things are, doing your best is all you can do sometimes. Don't stress too much on it. Thank you for just sharing your stories to begin with. I can't  wait for things to slow down for next year, so I can finally catch up on so many chapters. Happy holidays StoryTeller and everyone else!

@Howie55 Oh, I think I can do something like that.  >////<  I'll work on trying to put something together.  Aww, thank you so much.  <3  That means a lot to me.  ^///^

Yes, exactly. Thanks again for being such a talented and prolific writer! H

@Howie55 No, you're not bothering me at all.  ^_^  That's all good ideas.  I never thought about doing that before.  So if I got this right... It's like another book format but just for listing all of my books, their sequels, and the genres they are in?

@Howie55 Thank you for your kind words  <3  It means a lot to me.

@flaming-dolph16  Wow, I can't even bare to imagine that. I'm so sorry you went through that. I appreciate that you understand.  <3  Ya, being there for my dad really helped him get through it because I don't see it as she 'died'. I see it as she stopped suffering and went home.  <3  She ended one book of her life to start a whole new adventure.  <3

@StoryTellerByFire  not being able to watch her or anyone suffer is the opposite of unfeeling or not caring. Me and my dad watched my granny have to be brought back five times with cpr before we said enough was enough and let her go. She's not suffering, like your grandmother isn't and if anyone says otherwise or tries to put any blame on you for trying to look on whatever bright side there is they don't know what they're talking about.
            
            Keep celebrating her no matter what, and if the family can't come together at the very least you have your dad and he has you and you both can hopefully look back on her life plus your memories with her and celebrate her as much as possible

@flaming-dolph16  Thank you  <3  Losing her hurt me, but nowhere near how much it hurt my dad. It was a brutal get-together because she was the glue that kept us from ripping each other apart during the holidays. Without her... we are fracturing at the seams faster than a porcelain doll under duress. Any day now... I'm expecting the family to shatter and go our separate ways for good. After watching her suffer for months through cancer... and then seeing her unable to speak and move... I'm glad it is over. It was torture to watch, and after going through it with my grandfather a few years prior... I just... felt like keeping her alive for so long was cruel and apart of some sick doctor joke to bleed more money out of the family as we tear each other apart. I know she is in a better place and I celebrate it everyday. But.... what she went through to get to that point... THAT nearly destroyed me. Being seen as unfeeling and uncaring because I can't watch people suffer. I just...  I am who I am. Dying doesn't scare me as much as suffering does... I feel like she was forced to suffer for too long and I'm just glad she isn't anymore.

@P3rs0on  Thank you so much for your kind words.  <3  It really helped me take a step back.

@StoryTellerByFire Please don’t rush your grieving or think that you are obligated to post stories for us! We are not nearly as important as your family and we will always understand family emergencies! May your grandmother rest in peace.

@P3rs0on No. It's not you. I was unable to get updates up last week. My grandmother... she wasn't doing well... It got really bad and she passed. So, it took a lot out of me. I'm still not completely myself but... I'm trying to bounce back from all this.  It hit my father the hardest... and I'm trying to be strong for him.  It's just been a brutal end to this month and I'm sorry that I made you worry.