Hi the name's Stumpy! I ain't always been so goddamn sexy, I mean, I was an ugly ass fucking baby. My mother thought of flushing me down the toilet, tbh...she thought I was a pile of goddamn shit. But, a taco really only starts with the ground beef&beans, so who can blame her? ;)

As I grew into a big taco, I got my first shell. It was a soft shell. I was a laughing stock, the other hard tacos thought I was lame bc I was an emo piece of fucking soggy ass taco shell shit. 

But, I reckon one day I just fucking snapped. I slapped that goddamn hard taco right in the cheese! I got my hard shell that day. A girl taco named Burrito  fell in love with me, we both dropped out of Mexican-meat-school and got married. We had our first little bit of ground beef & beans two long years later. I wanted to fucking kill that little piece of gaddamn fucking shit. So I did. And tacos can't go to jail, so it was okay ;). 

Vive como un pedazo de mierda, mis amigos

Learn the rest about me, Stumps A-Million, in my soon to be made book, "Meats & Beans!"