Lyra

sup bbg havent talked to you in a while

Don't you just love when your housemates make you feel like shit for being mentally unstable and call you attention seeking when you ask to speak to the crisis team because you want to die :)))) girlies 2 yrs older than me and doing this shit.

God I hate kids. My 5 Yr old sister has somehow roped me into making white chocolate chip brownies. Fml

My mum's git a doctors appointment and my stepdads running errands in a couple hours and I have to babysit whilst they're gone which means I need to be up by ten, so if I sleep now I can get 6 hours but I just chugged 4 monsters bc I realised I haven't drank anything today so yeah.....either I'll pass out in 3 minutes or I'll be up till 8.

"You're not a kid anymore, you need to sort this out yourself! I can't keep doing everything for you!" 
          
          Im 13? I'm your daughter? You never do anything for me? The ONE TIME I need you, you tell me this? What the fuck do you want me to do? You've forced me to cut any and all contact with the 1 adult in my life I completely and utterly trust, so yes, you're dealing with the fallout of your neglect. I'm a little girl. I shouldn't be waking up screaming because I'm so damn terrified of my past, and of myself. I shouldn't be scared to have sharp things around me. I shouldn't be scared that I'm going to hurt someone on purpose. I'm like this because of you. I am a CHILD. I NEED a parent. I need a fucking mother. 

So i was going to the cinemas with my mum, uncle and nana today, and i had loads of energy this morning so i thought id put a bit of effort into my appearance. I curled my hair, did some light makeup, and i put on this nice dress ive got. Its a short pink skintight dress with white lace, and i was wearing a jacket and some pink heels that match. I dont normally wear dresses, much less skin tight ones because they make me feel really insecure, but i thought i looked really pretty. my uncle and nana picked me up and we met my mum at the cinemas and the first thing out of her mouth is "fuckin hell you look like you're going to a nightclub" which kind of put me off a bit, and then my nana said "if you were my daughter id never let you out the house like that" and "you look like you're trying to be older than you are" which threw me off, because my nana never makes mean comments on my appearance even when i look like shit. and my uncle kept subtly eyeing my chest (i wasnt wearing a bra). And they kept making comments about how old i look, my mum said i look like a whore and the entire movie all i could think about was how i used to look when i spent my nights prostituting myself for drug and alcohol money, food money and bill money. me and my brother were neglected q lot for a few years and had to find a way to pay bills, feed ourselves and make sure we had enough extra, i fell into doing drugs and he fell into dealing them. It was an extremely dark time in our lives and when we got home i was disgusted with myself. i hate how every time i put effort into my appearance my family comment on how im trying too hard and i look to old but when i barely try or dont try they say i look like shit.

WHATS UP BITCH

just found out i had an awful childhood

I feel like the worlds shittiest friend and shittiest godmother :) 

HC that Sunny Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire and Beatrice Baudelaire II all call Violet Baudelaire "mom". (Klaus does it to be annoying, Sunny alternates between mom and Violet, and Beatrice only ever calls her mom)