Depressed

One of the reasons why I'm so depressed...I have depression (no duh) but I was also diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and OCD (its a broad category but I'd rather not go into the list of all the subtypes I have). But I have had my list of dating experiences in the past..some ended in suicide but that's not what I'm going to talk about right now. Right now I'm going to talk about my abusive ex, who I got back with and am still under his control to this day. He doesn't know I have this outlet, and frankly I hope he doesn't find out. he was a great friend in the beginning, but he was very overprotective, to the point where it was almost too much to handle. But like the dumb bish I listened to everything he said because I was afraid I didn't he would kill himself too, because he threatened to do so and hurt himself if I didn't do everything he said at that exact moment. I had to grow up fast because he invaded my young body and forced me to send nudes..at first I made up excuses-but he saw past them and demanded again for me to send them or he would kill himself. I was going down into this spiral of severe depression and all that jazz...I finally broke up with him which cause him to nearly die..I couldn't handle it and got back with him the next month...anyways I'll continue the story of my life later because it's wayyy too long...but yeah enjoy my torment..

We would all be better if I just died, so I'm going to kill myself..

Beautiful Person Award
          
          Once you get this award, post it onto the wall of eight people who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing will change, but it's good to know what someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out.

Beautiful Person Award ❤️
          
          There is no catch to this. Just post this message on 1 - 8 message boards saying that are beautiful inside and out
          
          ~ ʆίɡհϯςʍσƘε

In the past I've said some mean things about a girl who is going through some stuff and I am so sorry, she doesn't deserve any of the hate going her way-and I can't believe I was so stupid to be one of the bullies! Even though no ones going to see this I just want to say @GhostlyGamer I am so sorry for being the worst friend ever. I don't deserve another chance, I don't deserve to be treated fairly..I deserve to die..

I would shout out @starwars1313 because she is so awesome and sweet, but no one really reads this so..yeah haha~^^

I float in a boat
          In a raging black ocean
          Low in the water
          With no where to go
          The tiniest lifeboat
          With people I know
          
          Cold, clammy, and crowded
          The people smell desperate
          We'll sink any minute
          So someone must go
          The tiniest lifeboat
          With the people I know
          
          Everyone's pushing
          Everyone's fighting
          Storms are approaching
          There's nowhere to hide
          If I say the wrong thing
          Or I wear the wrong outfit
          They'll throw me right over the side
          
          I'm hugging my knees
          And the captain is pointing
          Well who made her captain?
          Still, the weakest must go
          The tiniest lifeboat
          Full of people I know
          The tiniest lifeboat
          Full of people I know

My kinda sorta boyfriend killed himself because he was gay for a linebacker. And I thought my best friend had it altogether but now she's gone too. And now my stomach is hurting everyday on the bus more and more like an itch you can't get at and now I'm like wow I'm taking the bus again because all my rides are dead

Dear diary, since no one actually goes on my page and it feels like I'm just talking to myself..Why does this happen? When someone doesn't care or acknowledge what I try to do for them and help them and support them..and you really care about them but you know they don't care back..and you're trying to forgive them for something they did in the past but how are you supposed to move on when they just don't care about you at all?

Hey I just wanted to say hi and say you're awesome and sweet (hehe pun intended) :P