(Tw: kind of v3nt, my l0ve life, confusion, mentions of d3pression and self h@rm.
Please don't read if you are triggered!)
Okay I know this place isn't this isn't the place to do this but I have no there place to vent safely. For the past 3 years I'm having a crush, no wait, love on my best friend. No actual reason. Not of her looks. Nor of her academics. Nothing.
I didn't really care how she saw me as, but I kept my feelings all locked up because I was afraid. But somehow a BIG rumor has been started in the ENTIRE SCHOOL now. Almost all people I know, including the ones I didn't want them to know.
My trusted friends told me to stop it and there is no way she will accept. And I know it. It's not easy. Now she is kind of ignoring me and NOT AT ALL interacting with me. Worse, even with the ones around me.
So I decided to distance myself from everyone, and basically my already worse depression worsened to the level I started cutting myself. In some hide-able places. I shouldn't be doing that! But it kinda feels good.
Now she doesn't even look at me. Sike, she stays atleast 6 feet away from me. I just can't help it but vent here, as I can't trust anyone else. I'm advised to break this entire thing up but it's hard. 3 years. Not easy. It's not my first crush but my first love in my life.
I literally have no idea what to do but I just can't take it anymore. I'm leaving the school next year and I atleast need one kiss. No way. I'm too selfish.
(Please don't mind me venting here but I'll make sure to avoid it )