†𝕾𝖚𝖐𝖚𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖊†

Guys I am rethinking about men. I may still like them but I am rethinking them. Cause something happened. There was a guy, who is 24, not gonna spill out his name but he works for Spectrum about cables and shit. But he was nice and I liked that about him. Saw my cats coming around when I came out of the house going all crazy. Asked me if there were neighbors of mine in the back. I said yes but they aren't home. Asked if my dad does the work of paying bills and shit. It was a nice conversation I had with anyone ever since I graduated. He was sweaty and everything. Until he crossed a line about how he likes me and I looked pretty and commented about my body being thick. He asked if he could touch my ass. I felt him hugged me and his hand so close to my ass. And asked for my time when he is supposed to be idk working? Sure I didn't mind talking to any workers and having small conversations....but that's what he did and asked....just pushed me off limits. My fucking God....

Spoilers y'all if you guys haven't watched the show Arcane Act 3.
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Oh my God, you guys. Can you believe it? Arcane is finally over. I have watched it since 12 and the three other episodes dropped. The last Act of Arcane, and it has been a journey to watch it. (Of course about Caitvi Sesbian Lex officially cannon) But...I will be crying over it. It's finally over. It was beautiful, so wrenching, heartbreaking, artistic, anxiously exhausting, amazing. I think this show has forever broken me. I am definitely rewriting my Secret and Lies book. The actors, writers and producers weren't kidding that Act 3, we all aren't going to survive. I for sure died....but as all of you guys who watched it. Might have if you live in a different country with the time dropping the episode. Guys...it has been a journey. But make sure the Arcane Fandom....never dies. And our love for this masterpiece that has finally ended. Love you all.

So...I'm not perfect heh. But right now...I want to go back to drawing and writing. Then yet...it's hard for me to get the energy to have the motivation to feel happy to be back on it when shit just crumbles you down so low. I know I shouldn't self-diagnose those shit, but those feelings I explained are....very accurate of my mental health. But...what can I do? I can't tell shit to my mother about what I feel instead of the things I know how she feels and we feel that for each other because of my sister leaving and not coming back for her kids. For the fact she is a grown-ass 30-year-old woman and she wants to go out and put on some damn makeup to look good and go out every night to screw some random guy's dick she texts in phones and I'm there with the kids to stay up late as they are taken care of until she comes back at 3 am. So yeah there you go. Heh....it's been a long time since I actually opened up...

So that's what's been going on. Insomnia is getting worse. My depression...is back. I may have the urge to hurt myself but haven't given in to it. No wonder why I always do the fake scenery in my fucking mind like it's some kind of happy fantasy that doesn't exist, which is maladaptive daydreaming. Other kinds of shit what's going on in my damn mind. But I overthink, and I have low self-esteem. I do, even if I try to put on a good look, cause I don't want sympathy. Even yet I put a wall around me just not to get hurt anymore. My CPTSD, for the fact I went through as a kid. The emotional abuse and manipulation. Hurtful words and overprotected to the point I am useless on shit but only in the damn house of what I do know when growing up. My nostalgia is greater for how much I miss my old days when going to school. It was my escape. My happiness, even if schoolwork kicks me in the ass, but I don't complain. I love doing homework, schoolwork, and projects. It helps me. Especially hearing loud music, but I get yelled at for not hearing shit cause of doing that, so I put one headphone off my other ear so I can hear them better. I do get sleep, but it's the fact that I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. I do have ADHD which I didn't know about because it's no wonder it's hard for me to focus on school. No wonder why I fucking love Deadpool when watching the damn movie Deadpool & Wolverine! I'm slightly autistic...and...my ex-boyfriend I have told you guys about. I feel guilty but...I blamed my BPD...and on everything when I had episodes on the littlest shits...and I easily shut myself out and blamed them on myself...

I guess I should...explain what's going on with me rn. Why have I been gone and not....posting other chapters and shit? And really...I'm not okay. Even if I try to be. I am looking forward to another day, even if I have been neglecting my passion, which is my talents... my struggles just.... get the better of me. Believe me, I want to go back to drawing and writing. I do...I just....have no energy. Just only the responsibilities that have been put on my shoulders down to my hands full. Like, I am too mature to focus on the things I love doing. Instead, I'm doing them alone. Like my life is grey. Cause...my sister left...heh...as cannon, as it almost sounds about Vi and Jinx sisterhood struggles. But my older sister left...to her boyfriend. Living in the streets. While I'm.... taking care of her kids. Even if my big brother takes my older nephew to school I take care of my 5-year-old nephew. And do my chores every morning as it's my routine....for 3 fucking years, almost four, ever since I graduated. That's what's been going on. And...all I ever did was clean and mop constantly. Taking care of my cats and my mom's dogs. Feeding them taking care of my nephews for what they want to eat, clothed them. Making sure those two are okay instead of hurting each other when their mother is gone out in the streets with her damn boyfriend. She was kicked out two times. While the second is permanent for not coming back. Been 2 months since it happened. For what? Cause she says that no one gives a shit what she feels, and she gets a foot in the ass, and I have been there for her. For what reason why she is the foot in her ass? Cause she was doing fucking drugs. I felt like she left me....but she left her kids so I don't want to be selfish...

Hello, Briana. Today is the 12th anniversary of TMNT 2012!

Happy Independence Day!

Hi

Are you going to continue Koba story

Happy Belated Birthday, @Sukurachiidee.