Growing up is when you realize you can not write any smut stories like at all.
Due to uncomfortable and embarrassment feeling that you're feeling.
That's how i'm feeling right now, i mean i would ask for a friend to write one for me, not only because i realized how embarrassing it is for me to write it but also because i...may not be great at it. (And for personal reasons and no, i don't think it got anything to do with trauma, even though poor younger me has been exposed to that stuff..including the worst ones.)
Maybe i could for soft-core (if that's how you call it) but straight up sex? i don't know.