sizzy

This is the first time when i cried this hard that ppl asking me about my puffy eyes...my swollen face...idk what pain is more aching me rn my headache or the pain I'm feeling in my chest...
          
           

Everyone is saying it happened for good,..even ik it happened for good ...it was toxic so toxic that I'd to face idk how many downfalls ....ik he's cheater a lier a fuckin betrayer.....who said things about me ...things that was meant to be between us...he said so many things about me in his whole friend circle.....i can't digest the fact that he can say such ugly things bout me ...ik the ending of our bond is good for me ...and for him too...
          But what was my fault ? What was my heart fault in this that it has to bear this much pain...i loved him with my whole heart ...my love deserve nothing like that.... things happened for good but how to understand myself....the pain I'm feeling i can't even explain....the pain of losing someone i loved so dearly...and the ache of betrayal....after get to know things about him ...idk how to process from everything...how to say myself that you've to let him go... you've to trust about what he said...you have to... Even tho i can't....I'm grateful to God that he showed me the right thing at the right time but it was too late for my heart as i already fallen love with him ...

It's been long since I write here ...ig I've no time ...no time for journal but had a great time with myself with my spiritual persona....had great time in my small happy moments...
          Ig I live my moments way too much that i can't even explain those in mere words...
          Alas!!! 

Happy ekadashi kanha...

Happy ekadashi kanha..

Happy ekadashi kanha..

Happy ekadashi kanha 

I was holding myself... holding even getting back to back things that i don't even want ..
          But this hun ..stop FREAKING stop all this ...
          I'm getting suffocated..you didn't broke my heart hun you didn't broke my heart you literally sliced my heart in tiniest pieces....untill it got no flooding blood in it ..you literally sliced my heart ...
          Thoda ruk jaate yaar thoda ...
          I freakin hate myself for not stop loving you for not hating you a bit...for not throwing dirt like you're doing... I'm hating myself hun ...for loving you all I've...for not having the courage to move on....i hate you...

Happy ekadashi kanha 

I'm confuse....
          Should I be the bad-bitch who show that the gem you just lost...
          Or follow my heart and still wondering and caring about him...even after getting dry response from him(idk it feels like he's just mad at me not actually hating me, just showing me that he didn't care if I'm here for him or not ... it feels like he's pretending and sometimes like he's being serious...damnn serious)