Lol I was thinking of myself the whole time I was reading your last chapter because that's exactly how I am (but on Sundays not Saturdays. Idk how old you are but I know for me it's just that I feel like I'm not ready give up all sins when I'm still so young...but I could die tomorrow and not be able to use that reason as an excuse when I'm not accepted into heaven. Ugh lol, it's tough. I went to church Sunday and I can't really remember the exact things but the message was pretty much about how God's love and eternal life stuff is free but the journey can be costly. Not necessarily money wise, but you might have to give up friends, family, habits...I think you get the point. I'll still support and read your Christian stories and hope that you make it through your upcoming journey :)