TMCrow28

Hi.

Hello everyone. Sorry about that message from last night. I'm doing fine. I was ranting. Sorry 

TW: selfharm, suicide' past tramma, and self hate speach. 
          
          I'm falling in a dark place. I'm having panic attacks and alot of past tramma has resurfaced and it's killing me. I told my theripist and now I might get put into hospital but this is my choice. Not my parent's, doctor, or the people around me. I need to go back. I'm scared if I don't I might do something that I know I'll regret later. 
          I feel like a failure. I've been doing so good for 3 years and now here I am laying in bed knowing tomorrow I won't be in my bed but in a hospital's bed. I worked so hard to get here and now my brain think it's cute letting these thoughts in! I just want to be normal! I want to make my parent's proud I want to be someone that people look and "hey she has it all together" why am I such a stupid child that doesn't know better!! Why didn't I just say shut up to that brat 10 years ago! Why did I say hi to him!? Why did I take that stupid side clippers!! Look at me now.
          I'm going to my therapist tomorrow with my parents and I'm scared. I know the'll blame themselves and ask me why I haven't talked to them.. How can I look at them and tell them "Hey guys I want to cut my self again oh and I forgot to say that this feeling has been here for a few months now. Also my past traumma is getting to me again so yeah but look on the bright side! At least I don't want to die" I sound like an asshole for saying that but that's how I feel! Im a terrible daughter and a horrible sister. 
          My birthday is in few days and I feel happy but I also feel horrible. AHHH!! I dont know what's going on!! I'm tired of this feeling! I want to sleep and never wake up but I don't want to die either! I want a future! I want a life but everything I see is horrible!! I dont know if I'll even be seen by a doctor because I like girls! Yeah you know that's a law.
          I know some people are gonna be worried about me but please don't. I'm not going to do anything stupid. 

Guys... Wattpad got hacked... I don't know what to do! Like I don't want my private information out on the web! Like SERIOUSLY can I even trust this app anymore!
          
           Will this happen again? 
          
          Where is all our information going to and who has it?? 
          
          Can I trust that this wont happen again?? Will Wattpad have better equipment to pervent another hacker?? 
          
          If I end up deleting this app I do hope life treats all of you well and may we see each other again! 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          

Hahaha I'm alive

..... Im alive... I think... 

So last night I had a panic attack and I couldn't calm myself down no matter how hard I tried and I hadn't had one in months and in a strange way I forgot how bad they were... I'm SO mad at myself cause I didn't catch it in time and I wish I had a voice to yell at this girl who wouldn't leave me alone and I knew she saw me upset I wanted to yell "LEAVE ME ALONE" but I didn't want to be mean... I HATE THIS!! I HATE MY ANXIETY!! I HATE MY PANIC!! I HATE ME!!!!!! 
          
          
          If my mom heard me say that she would yell at me telling me that this is how I was made. I feel lost and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs..... 
          
          Sorry I wanted to rant sorry.... 
          
          
          
          
          
          

Thanks for the vote<33

UPDATE!! 
          
          A new chapter on sad life came out 3 days ago called "family" hope you like it! 
          
          Not edited!! 

Hi everyone! If your looking for advise on anything to the simple color to how to handle meantal heath please Direct Message me. I should add if I if it is a sirouse matter I will be giving you links and phone numbers to call. 
          
          Thank you.