.

I am actually happy \(^0^)/ yayy. Btw I never noticed how nice it is to give stufgling people advice but I'm scared that I'm being annoying and they won't tell me about their struggles anymore so I'll try not to be annoying but helpful. Have a beautiful day everybodyyy♡♡. 

Me:* cant fall asleep and gets scared of demons*
          Also me: *Hears my younger sister talk to her friend in her room (they always make phonecalls) and gets less scared but then texts her anyway to make sure it is acully her* 

So you're really telling me I should be considerate when you are being inconsiderate all the time and since I can't be mad at you I would always tell you it's okay and you aren't inconsiderate because I didn't want you think of yourself as a bad person. And I try really hard all the time to be good to you because I acully know you only have good intentions and I'm so sorry I'm like that and can't deal with it and I know you have been mistreated before and felt excluded because of me and I am trying so hard to make up for that and give you the attention you deserved. I feel bad because you have always felt like I was there for you but still taking away something from you. But I am always trying so hard. I will and always would have done anything for you. And it's just this one thing, okay? It's been bugging me and I know you were noticing and trying to be less annoying but I cant deal with you questioning me so much questions I dont want to answer do I told you to go away and now you think you being there had been bugging me and it did a little but I know I will miss it once were separated and now I think I separated us in advance just because my moth slipped. I am writing this because I know youw I'll never see it but I'm sorry and I'm sorry taht you will be annoyed now because I give up too easily and apologize,I know you will be mad because you will think about my two words all night. Fuck I'm so stupiddddddd

So my brain decided to be motivated again and do shit. Wooohooo. Btw my vday was like last week or something and it was so weird since Corona but my family doesn't care about rules but partly do so yea. I stead of a handshake and kiss right left I had like some handshakes a hug and later also some kisses ignoring Corona and also a brow fist and elbow to elbow idkwhat. I also had a stunning  cake and damn I got a lotta money like wtf. I also decided today that I'm not okay with the way my cousin and his wife seem to go way more strictly on one of their little twin s because he is always running around and acts a little bratty. But he listens well and I cant deal with the way he looks like a sad puppy dog when hes being yelled at and his other twin despite also having just ad annoying points as the other is not being yelled at that much if he does shit. My heart cant talke it. Like I hate this kinda treatment of one being better than the other. Ok  no one cared. Also I just drew this guy in digital and he acually doesmt loon taht ugly I'm so proud of myself

How do I make myself feel less pathetic? 

I just survived goddamn hell but im still slightly offended. I just was in this disgusting place our stupid school made us go to not minding Corona being all over germany. So we went to austria for a week. The food and the hotel was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I had and still have terrible pain in my goddamn legs and shoulders and I cant walk properly. And I survived a wholeass night without properly sleeping because it was fucking cold in the bus.  NO I DONT FODDMAN HAVE CORONA I AM JUST SO GODDAMN TIRED LET ME BE. Its not my job to wast money and time of doctor's to do a test for me when I neither have the symptoms, nor am I anning to go somewhere in these coronaholidays. Istg people are annoying. I fell down those hills multiple times and everything is hurting but all mattering is that you dont want Corona? Bitch the only ones I would really care about then is my family. I only slept 2 hours and I was freezing in this bus. I wanna sleep. Not take care of someone else's health through staying away from them when I'm healthy. That's so rude to assume. Dont treat me like that istg

That Moment when your friends and family are trying to tell you you're pretty but you know you arent and theyre just saying it because it's their job so you just sit there not knowing whether to tell them about the way you acually hate yourself or just shut up and say thanks for trying to cheer you up. :)

Btw ich habe wieder so nen emotional text geschrieben istg wenn ich schreibe, dann traurig Texte in letzter zeit. 

things are fucking tiring. People never notice that I am trying so hard. All they do is tell me to try harder. I'm so tired of it all. And you ask me why I'm being like this. Becaue everyone wants me to do this. Becaue I have more than I deserve I gotta do t let that. But dont expect me to wanna do something I have been taught to do.

Happy new year<3