Teiashah

@Jay_likes_whales  @Jay_likes_whales

Jay_likes_whales

Okay, so I think your story is getting better, but it still needs work on the being more descriptive. Sure there's more, but you need to work on the dialogue parts. In a story, or any conversation, it's NOT:
          
          (name of character): (dialogue)
          
          It's suppose to be:
          
          "(dialogue)," (some description)
          
          Here's an example based on the first chapter of your story:
          
          "Hey," Jordan greeted. "So, what do you want for my birthday?" I thought about it for a moment. What did I want for my birthday. 
          
          "I just really want some cases for my iPhone 5S," I answered. "And just to hang out with you."
          
          "Okay, I'll see what I can do," he spoke with a hint of laughter. 
          
          Now, you don't have to do exactly like that, but a conversation of any kind should have quotation marks. I also edited the last part because the sentence with the "'Okay, we'll see'" literally means okay we all see. So it doesn't make sense. 
          
          Anyways, continue trying to improve your chapters! :D
          
          -Jeb

Teiashah

@Jay_likes_whales i only have 1

Jay_likes_whales

Well then yes, I saw it. Also, it's okay to start over. I've done it with 3 of my previous stories because they were not hit, plus I was new to wattpad too... So I understand all that feeling that how people get so many reads right away. It took me from the time I started wattpad to today to get my followers, and around 3-4 months to get 100 reads... :D
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