I'm just a crazy and complex and stubborn, Christian teenage girl who's growing up, but still a child of Da and who's in love with Jesus. An ambitious girl with a past who needs Jesus. Every day, every hour and every second. 

I need Jesus. I need God. I need the Holy Spirit. I'll always need them because they're my life. They'll always be my life because I owe them my life. I owe God my life because he's saved my life many times and still does save my life, and because he has been the Father, I never got to have; always loving me even when I make mistakes and am stupid sometimes. 

I'll be honest, I have had thought of suicide. I have cut. I have attempted suicide, though it was a poor attempt because I tried to kill myself with a dull kitchen knife. 

I raised the knife to my throat, wanting to slit my throat but I didn't because God stopped me as impossible and as strange as it sounds. He stopped me from raising the knife closer to my throat and slitting my throat, and I'm glad he did stop me because he knew what he was doing and I didn't. 

I used to cut. I never made a schedule of cutting myself or cut myself a lot, I just cut myself when I thought I deserved the pain and when I made a mistake and I thought to myself that I wasn't perfect. 

But I haven't cut in months. Because ever since, I've started going on a journey into God and going and growing deeper into him, thoughts of cutting myself or killing myself have been leaving me alone. Suicidal and self-harm thoughts have not come to me in awhile because it doesn't exist before and in God. 

I'm in God, and I love Him. 

"I still get scared sometimes." 

"I'm just trying to live, I'm not trying to survive."

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."

"The worst part about being strong is almost no-one asks if you're okay."

"To love is to be vulnerable."