a bear on a jetski

i'm reading your fanfic and

i don’t know why but every time i hear “Man or Muppet” i want to break down into tears

I am the very-est animal at the zoo

a bee with a saxophone

my hairstylist just gave me a haircut that makes me look like a ten year old that’s going to grow up to be a misogynistic asshole, i want to cry but i don’t want to hurt her feelings, any advice?

i fell backwards off of a swing set today and landed on my neck and i had to just lay there for a few minutes while my sibling panicked and now it hurts to move too much lol

i was watching frozen two again and they were about to leave and the oldest troll said “I will take care of your people” i audibly said “I DO NOT trust grand pappy troll to have control if your kingdom actually” and my sibling started laughing because they had just walked into the room to hear THAT

"Wow, if I had a nickel every time I was doomed by a puppet, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot. But it's weird that it happened twice, right?" — Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

“A platypus tied my up in my own pants!” - Dr Doofenshmirtz

Dude it's conference week...