Nik

Why.. after all the fucking pain you've caused me... all the sleepless nights... the tears... I still love you more than anything in the whole fucking world... All i want was the us again.... Everytime i see them... I fall again.... But I can honestly see that you dont have the same feelings for me... You just love to hate and hurt me i guess... I cant stand this pain anymore.... It tearing me apart piece by piece...

2014: AKA the year i suffered so much pain but managed not to die

Why do I try? what i want isn't the best for the person i want and all i am is a bomb ready to blow.. I should just keep to myself and just stay to my blades and cigarettes

ugh i keep breaking down in class...
          i been sent to the councilors 3 times...
          all there shit there saying is bullshit 
          will a its okay bring him back.? 
          No of course not..
          I miss you 
          I wish you could come back....

I'm sitting on the floor
          I'm crying so much more
          trying to erase this pain
          trying to forget your face
          sitting here with the blade in my hand
          running so slow blood dripping down
          in a deep red color
          flowing freely the way i want to feel
          
          I'm sitting on the floor 
          holding my hand out
          I'm holding a bottle
          a bottle filled with pills
          I'm crying so hard
          the pain is unbearable
          I'm feeling so weak 
          
          I'm sitting here on this floor 
          holding a blade
          crying like crazy
          trying to take this pain away
          I'm trying my best trying to fight
          my eyelids feel heavy
          my door is so far
          the whispered yells to far
          falling deep in to sleep
          
          deep..deep..deep..deep
          I'm laying on a bed
          I'm so confused 
          where am i?
          my throat feels sore
          my body screams in pain
          I'm looking around
          I'm in a small white room
          
          i try to move,
          my hands are stuck
          i try to get up
          i feel restraints 
          what happened to me?
          
          I'm laying on a bed
          trying to get up
          my head hurts
          a nurse is here
          a shot is administered 
          i drift to sleep
          I'm in the psych ward
          why am i here?
          
          I'm lying on a bed
          laying so still 
          my wrists hurts to no end
          I'm crying out loud
          screaming and cussing
          my body hurts
          i can't remember 
          
          all i remember are my bloody wrists
          and a bottle of pills
          all i remember is the pain i was in.....

I’m bored to death in heaven but I’m all alone in hell

Im cute without the e

mess with me and threaten me i dont care. But fucking say that shit to people who is close to me i will motherfucking make it rain fire in your shithole of a life. If you want to shake hands in hell trust me i will NOT disappoint you.

>.< thanks for marking my face with blue marker Nick >.<

I thought I had myself all figured out
          But I spent my whole life holding myself down
          And it seems to be that sort of thing I keep doing constantly
          Addicted to the pain I cause myself
          My head is floating somewhere in the clouds
          Thinking of things that i know it wont be