"Sorry, I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I'm hilarious, so don't hate."

"Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you..."

"Gonna eat till I'm tired and then sleep till I'm hungry."

"Never underestimate the stupidity of idiots."

"If that hit you in the chest, I'm sorry. I was aiming for your crotch."

"Life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness."

 "You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you."

Mostly Deadpool quotes. 

"If shit gets fucked you either do two things; #1 Run like shit and still get ur ass kicked and, # 2 fight the cluster fuck and either get ur ass beat or you beat ass whichever happens first." -Me.