Hmmm.... I think i've read this already in fanfiction.com by Athena Linborn, she has a sequel actually which isn't finished.... Can i ask you a question, are you THE Athena Linborn i'm talking about?
I believe your style of writing is that to be used. Your story was brilliant. I am absolutely in love. You would make many people happy by creating a sequel! xx
I just dropped by to tell you that I really LOVE your story! It's very detailed and I love it even more because every chapter is long enough to get me hooked! :D