Devianna

I don't think anyone reads these, tbh..but I want to like say this to someone other than my best friend
          
          My close friend (I've mentioned him before, Logan) was going through a rough patch in life and was depressed. He suffers from depression, but it was bad and he was nearly suicidal (he's thought suicide before and has had some people tall him out of it at least twice this school year). One of his best friend's name is Luis. Luis seems like a great guy to be friends with or even like a relationship. Now, in band on Thursday, I think it was, Logan had Luis and his other close friend, Rian, over in our section. Rian left after a bit, but Luis stayed and Luis always sits on the chair between Logan and I. They were just talking, and then Luis says something like "You really scared me..." And Logan apologized. Then, Luis holds his arms straight out like he wants a hug. Logan says "You know I don't do hugs, Luis.." and yeah Luis looked adorable in that moment and I just wanted to share that 

Update for anyone that cares lol: me and that guy broke up because I kinda lost feelings for him when he said like "I love you". I feel bad about that being my main reason, but it's better to break up sooner than later. We broke up last Monday 

I'm looking at high school marching band memes and like they all mention the flag twirlers? I forget the name oh no...but like, my school's band doesn't have those??? We're old-fashioned and kept up with traditions of the Coldstream guards and the British guards because Liberty High School Grenadier Band...

He goes "woah what's happening with you and *guy I like*" I said I wanted to ask him out, he goes "awwww you should he likes you" I said that I know, but I was still nervous, because like, that's nerve-wracking even if you know they'll say yes. 
          All in all, I've learned that my friend is very reliable and I fucking love him and appreciate him so much, because he's the only one in my band section aside from another guy that will joke with me. He's the only one in my section that will open up to me, because to everyone else, I'm just "some freshman".
          
          Also, the guy I like is a sophomore in the trombone section, and my friend is a sophomore in the tuba section with me

Update on crush (even though absolutely no one cares ): my guy best friend, if he would even call it that, now knows, and is now going to make fun of me oof 
          
          He was telling me some shit and actually opening up, and when he finished I said my anxiety was like sky-high, so he asked why, I didn't want to tell him, because he doesn't exactly like the guy?? But I wanted to tell someone other than my girl best friend, so I said "reasons" he goes "oh" I said "no, it's not that I don't want to tell you, it's that you'll make fun of me for it" he goes "I won't make fun of you unless it's *name of the guy I like*. I'm not that much of a dick " I go, "well, you better start making fun of me..."

I'm also trying to think of a way to ask for his number without him thinking I want to suck his dick, or something.

Don't you just love when someone asks you out, you panic and say no, and then realize a few days later you actually like them back? Because I certainly do, especially when you don't really know what a crush feels like. I texted someone last year, asking how she knew she liked her girlfriend. I feel that now with this guy, and I'm scared?? Like, I kind of want to tell him that I would love to date him, but no one wants me to date him? They think he's this immature douchebag, but I wouldn't really know since I barely know him, which is another reason why I said no...

Soooo.. Marching band started. We had our fifth football game yesterday. We lost for the third time in a row... Our first game: 42-0. Second: 42-7. Third: 16-49. Fourth: 21-28, and then the one yesterday, the fifth, was: 3-18. We will probably not play into November because our coach is that bad. The team is pretty good, though. I fucking love band, though. Everyone says it's like a second home. I thought people were weird for saying that, and then I joined. They were not kidding. 

There are about 3-5 songs that hold great significance to me. One of those songs is History by One Direction. My science teacher (go check out his band Heal The Night) played that song the last science class of the year. He had helped so many people without realizing it. Also in one of his songs, his voice sounded a lot like Frank Iero's. And he likes the same bands as my friends and I. Panic!, FOB, etc. I tried to get him into other stuff, but I don't know if it worked 

I HUNG OUT WITH TWO PITBULL MIXES AND A BLACK LAB YESTERDAY AT MY MOM'S COUSIN'S HOUSE
          
          THEY WERE ALL BEAUTIFUL, AND THE ONE, MOCHA, KEPT LAYING ON ME. BRUISER IS THE OTHER PITBULL MIX, AND IZZY IS THE BLACK LAB