TheJabberwockySlayer

Heya!?
          
          How are you doing ?

I just received this PM from a newly-created account. I have already reported it to HQ in the hopes they can find who's really behind the account, though I have my suspicions based on the writing style:
          
          "Hey Eliza [my real last name redacted],
          
          "We've seen your announcement calling us out. We'd like to make you an offer you can't refuse: take down that announcement and publicly apologize for defacing our mutual friend's reputation, and all the other people who've tried to work with you in good faith only to be criticized in public view. It's OK if you didn't want co-reviewers after all, or for us to promote your review shop elsewhere, or to help you get that fellowship you told our mutual friend about. We're grateful for your constructive critiques. But you're a fair-weather friend: after all we've done to help you out, you stab us in the back? Imagine if your professors found out. Not very professional, is it? We hope you treat your students better.
          
          "If I may be frank with you, this is in your best interest. Your house of cards already collapsed, and it would have been better had you never come back. So go gentle into that good night, go quietly into that good night, and never return. Do us a favor. The future is only what we make today, so let's make this a bright future where you stop poking your nose into our business. Tell your Good Samaritan friend too that even though the prodigal daughter has returned, she's about to leave again; if they know what's best for them, they should keep quiet too. 
          
          "Cheers."
          
          Your blackmail won't work on me. This is Wattpad, not The Godfather. You want to pretend to be anonymous and spooky, I'll let you be anonymous and spooky. You're giving all of your identities anyway. Ironic that you all write about hubris, about spies, about deception, and you think it makes you experts. Give it up, before someone less nice than I am exposes you all for who you are.

After people somehow found my university email and sent me threatening messages there about my reviews, after a longtime client angrily DMed me accusing me of scheming to ruin his reputation (ironically, I later received credible evidence from a good Samaritan that he blackmailed an ONC judge into letting his novella shortlist, so who's the good person now), after reading how another reviewee with a penchant for sexism wrote me into his book as the object of the week, I'm back on Wattpad. At least for a brief while.
          
          I think the reviews have run their course (and I don't want to find a dead fish on my doorstep), so maybe I'll be silent. Or maybe I'll silently read some of your stories. But I'm back.

A few more ONC critiques are up.

ONC critique #1 is up. These are going to be very short reviews unless for whatever reason you've given me a ton to write about, which at least in the context of these ONC submissions means there's more to critique, not more to gush about. Brevity is the soul of wit.

A page for ONC critique is up. Instructions are provided therein.
          
          Good luck to everyone participating, and may the odds be ever in your favor :)

Review 40 is up. Getting closer and closer to the big five-o.
          
          The queue is empty again, and I know some people have inquired about repeat submissions, either of books that have already been reviewed or of new ones. I don't have a clear-cut policy for those yet, but I'm more inclined to read multiple books by the same person than re-read, and I'm always going to prioritize requests from new people. For repeat submissions you'll have to comment on three more reviews or leave new insights for reviews of books you've already looked at (e.g. "I read a few more chapters and my thoughts on X changed," not "I finished this book months ago, wrote about how I think it's perfect, and guess what, I still think it's perfect!"). The point isn't to bleed you dry or waste your time but to make sure learning is still happening, and to have there be some tangible cost to sending me fifteen drafts of the same story, each time fixing exactly four commas. This way I assume work will be put into repeat drafts commensurate with the work put into the new payments.
          
          For repeat submissions of the same work I'll either send feedback by DM or tack feedback onto my old review, since I still want the record of what the story used to be and I don't want to make six bajillion chapters for the same story. Logistical details are subject to change at my discretion, but enough people have asked about this at this point where I needed to say something.

One small thing not worthy of clicking the "announce" button, but I'm going to make an effort to respond to more comments on reviews, even ones not directly asking me questions (and TBH probably more so ones that aren't asking me questions). I think this will help drive discussion traffic on some reviews that haven't received as much and consequently give authors more to work with. For this reason I'm not going to delve into old comment threads and perform necromancy, but starting now expect to see me respond to more comments.

Review 39 is up. Enjoy the rest of the weekend, everyone.

Review 38 is up, and my queue is once again clear. Looking forward to more submissions. 
          
          I've dropped to #3 in "reviews," though since the two books ahead of me aren't review shops I'll take that as saying I run the best review shop on Wattpad.