TheMadPoetGold

New poem. This week was tough. Had to do some serious reflection on my childhood, factors I hadn't considered that had led me to my darker points. I got drunk and immediately wrote a very long message to my parents, stuff I've been terrified for years of saying. About what they've taught me about love, how I feel like I grew up too fast. I'm not mad. I just feel....empty. And hurt. You know when you grow up, thinking––I'm not going to be that kid that has a screwed up relationship with their parents (if you couldn't tell, I was very much a goody-two-shoes), and they're basically your idols––and then, I feel like something has shattered, like I've been let down. And now I just feel so empty. Maybe from all the love I needed and never received. Maybe because I'm being hard on myself. Maybe because I'm tired of fighting. 
          	
          	Anyways. The text turned out to be a good turning point, apparently, in their words, a well-deserved wake-up call. A bucket of ice water. Good...or not. I think I've learned that life never turns out quite right, things never get quite resolved, and hurt never lessens. You heal, but it'll sometimes sting, and rot, and you're just never the same, I guess. 
          	
          	(I know what you're thinking––and I was very careful to omit any personal detail. I try to keep this vague. I'm not seeking answers, simply hope this may be validating to others, as I believe this is a shared experience)
          	
          	Anywho. Enjoy the poem. I was walking down the street with my friends, passed by a school playground with a sign that said 'School Zone. No Idling.' And something just sorta hit me, so I wrote about it. 
          	
          	Hope you are all safe and taking care of yourselves. 
          	
          	https://www.wattpad.com/1613918202-satellite-school-zone-no-idling

TheMadPoetGold

New poem. This week was tough. Had to do some serious reflection on my childhood, factors I hadn't considered that had led me to my darker points. I got drunk and immediately wrote a very long message to my parents, stuff I've been terrified for years of saying. About what they've taught me about love, how I feel like I grew up too fast. I'm not mad. I just feel....empty. And hurt. You know when you grow up, thinking––I'm not going to be that kid that has a screwed up relationship with their parents (if you couldn't tell, I was very much a goody-two-shoes), and they're basically your idols––and then, I feel like something has shattered, like I've been let down. And now I just feel so empty. Maybe from all the love I needed and never received. Maybe because I'm being hard on myself. Maybe because I'm tired of fighting. 
          
          Anyways. The text turned out to be a good turning point, apparently, in their words, a well-deserved wake-up call. A bucket of ice water. Good...or not. I think I've learned that life never turns out quite right, things never get quite resolved, and hurt never lessens. You heal, but it'll sometimes sting, and rot, and you're just never the same, I guess. 
          
          (I know what you're thinking––and I was very careful to omit any personal detail. I try to keep this vague. I'm not seeking answers, simply hope this may be validating to others, as I believe this is a shared experience)
          
          Anywho. Enjoy the poem. I was walking down the street with my friends, passed by a school playground with a sign that said 'School Zone. No Idling.' And something just sorta hit me, so I wrote about it. 
          
          Hope you are all safe and taking care of yourselves. 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1613918202-satellite-school-zone-no-idling

TheMadPoetGold

What have you all been listening to lately? I walked into a record store and got introduced to Violent Femmes, Fugazi, and Sinead O'Connor, and I can't get enough of them. 
          
          
          Chapter eight - Violet - up in my horror romcom 'Ghost Girl'. 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1609628476-ghost-girl-8-violet

TheMadPoetGold

@novelistASH I know the fleetwood Mac and pink Floyd album - don’t really like fleetwood they’re a little too folk for me, and how they’ve become so artificially mainstream has killed it a bit for me). I’ll definitely give these albums a try - my lectures are all a far walk from each other so I tend to listen to music then, and I find it helps me just reenergize after a day of back to back lectures and labs, and transition to more studying lol. 
            
            I agree with you on Courtney Love. I had an interest in Hole a few years ago and everybody told me she was a terrible person. Recently came across some articles and interviews with her and I think she’s absolutely incredible and was just as much a victim of her environment as Kurt. They were both terrible for each other, in the sense they were both suffering and could not support each others addictions in a healthy way, but had a beautiful love.
Yanıtla

novelistASH

@TheMadPoetGold I listen to a lot musicals. Recently saw a production of Sweeney Todd, one of my favorites. Rewatched Ride the Cyclone, a fun ride.
            
            Violent Femmes have such an oddball energy which I adore. There aren't a lot of bands that evoke similar feelings. Some ska bands evoke that quirkiness to me but I'm blanking on names. The B-52s is one but I can't listen to a whole album from them. Mad Caddies has one of my favorite third wave ska albums *Just One More*. And I like the comedic flare of The Refreshments.
            
            Haven't heard Fugazi. I'll have to check them out.
            
            Sinead O'Connor has a great energy and I really love her conviction. Sucks how she was blacklisted for speaking out against an openly oppressive religion. It makes me think about the Cranberries. Her vibe Bjork. That whole era has tons of kickass female musicians. I still love Alanis Morrisette's *Jagged Little Pill*; a solid album. Tori Amos's Cornflake Girl is timeless. Tragic. A real gem. Of course there's also Garbage. Hole. Anyone who talks trash about Courtney Love needs to be ignored.
            
            Since I spend a lot of time listening to music while I write, I tend to gravitate towards albums.
            *Rumors* Fleetwood Mac
            *The Wall* Pink Floyd
            *MacArthur Park Suite* Donna Summer
            *Treasure* Cocteau Twins
            *No Angel* Dido
            *Hot Fuss* The Killers
            *Perfect Symmetry* Keane
            *Wincing the Night Away* The Shins
            *Bones of What You Believe* Chvrches
Yanıtla

TheMadPoetGold

@Glory_feeling2 oh cool!! I’ve always loved 60s, 70s, 80s. Lately I’ve been trying to expand to new bands and genres, mainly psychedelic rock. Lately, my favourite songs I keep playing are Over the Hills and Far Away by Led Zeppelin, Suspicious Minds, Touch Me by The Doors, While My Guitar Gently Weeps by Harrison, Tomorrow Never Knows by The Beatles, Rock and Roll Suicide by Bowie, Castles Made of Sand by Hendrix, NIB by Sabbath, 99 Luftballoons by Nina, Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles, Tragedy by the Beegees, Fool in the Rain by Zeppelin, Me and Bobby McGee by Joplin, Love Train by the O’Jays, Violet by Hole, Melvin Ate an Egg by Bloodrock, and literally anything by Aretha and Sinatra and Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder I love it allllll
Yanıtla

TheMadPoetGold

bu mesaj hakaret içeriyor olabilir
" I sniffed, feeling the emotion roll over my body in creaking waves. "I'm sick, Daisy," I whispered. "I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm fucking insane." I squeezed my fingers into my palms, a dull recreation of the pain I really needed.
          
          Daisy smoothed my baby hairs back, damp with tears, and tapped my nose fondly. "So you wanna be sane? Boring?" Daisy feigned a dramatic gasp. "Normal?"
          
          I rubbed my eyes––hard––feeling the remnants of mascara clump on my knuckles. "Never."
          
          "Then let me go make you fabulous." "
          
          chapter four up in 'to catch a cloud'––our little rockstar, esther's POV. 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1603557810-to-catch-a-cloud-chapter-four-esther
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/404821685-to-catch-a-cloud

TheMadPoetGold

"Their hands touched, mirrors screeching beneath from their stomping feet, spinning and electrifying. A cool lightning worked in spasms down her spine—my god, she breathed, she tasted, she wanted."
          
          
          chapter three up in 'to catch a cloud'. 
          
          
          i've added music, some of my favourite songs, to previous chapters. enjoy hendrix, bowie, and of course, upcoming will be some queen, beatles, and sabbath as the story progresses. 
          
          song of the week: whole lotta love by led zeppelin <3
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/404821685-to-catch-a-cloud

TheMadPoetGold

Bad day. Bad panic attack. Slight breakdown. Wrote a poem. 
          
          Hope you’re all okay. 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1602239164-satellite-splinters-of-day

TheMadPoetGold

@Polllardii thank you and you as well.
            
            had a talk with my friend, and i want to catch this early on before it gets worse again (pretty much diagnosed for life with this), like always, so i think im going to book some therapy. my friend also made me promise to be more open with her, and this is almost strange because ive never had a friend who genuinely wanted to be there for me (there’s this misconception that no one wants the depressed friend, or the friend that gets a little off her rocker sometimes, or just has bad days).
Yanıtla

Polllardii

@TheMadPoetGold -  Be gentle with yourself!  Have a good week!
Yanıtla

Polllardii

@TheMadPoetGold -  Sorry you had a very bad day, I do hope your health improves and you are able to rise above it.  I will say a little prayer.  Try not to thing negatively as it doesn't help.  Say positive things to yourself.  (Well, you know this already don't you?  Easy to say, but not so easy to do.)
Yanıtla