Hello everyone! TW: CANCER
I really haven't been on here much due to mental health and physical reasons, given that I can't even sit in a chair properly to write.
I wanted to update you all on the biopsy results, which were shocking. My cancer is Synovial Sarcoma. This is very rare, my doctor, whose specialty is Synovial Sarcoma, has never seen this in his ten years of being a doctor.
Today, I feel like I've signed my life away. I made a decision to be on an invasive chemotherapy, because it's really my only okay(?) option. I'm going to have surgery in the near future to insert a Portacath on the right side of my chest which my chemotherapy will be administered through IV.
The chemotherapy I have chosen, which I am going to keep the name between myself and close friends with because it makes me feel better, is administered over 24 hours. I basically get accessed at the hospital and get to go home after. It runs through the night and the next morning I have to go back to the hospital and have it removed.
Now, side effects. My hair will be thinning, as it's reported that it does not fall out fully in most cases. This is hard for me to swallow. As I know it's just hair, it's very triggering as I have lost my hair in the past. I will be on every nausea medication known to man as this chemotherapy causes extreme nausea. I'm not kidding- those were the words that they used. There are more extreme ones, but I can't think of them through my tears currently.
That being said, if I'm not writing, I'm sorry. I'm really going to try, but because my cancer is in my spine (L1. L2. L3 vertebrae), it's hard to sit. I can't lay flat to sleep. We got a hospital bed, but it doesn't help. For now, I'm sleeping in a recliner.
I have a few books planned (silly, I know) and I may post them. I will only be updating what makes me happy and I'm sorry if that upsets anyone, genuinely.
There's tons more, but that's all I can bare to say right now.
I love you all!
~ Maddy <3
