Severus Snape

Anyone miss me *insert shit emoji*

Draco: It's not fair Gryffindor won the house cup!
          
          Ron: Shut up Malfoy! You can't always be the top!
          
          Draco: *smirks* Sometimes I'm the bottom, ask harry.
          
          Ron:...
          
          Harry: *blushes way to hard*

Did some bullshit and changed my whole identity

Eyy you're back 

*harry drinking milk*
          
          Draco: ah love... don't remind me of last night.
          
          Harry: *chokes*
          
          Ron: I- *leaves*

Let me get this straight.
          
          1.) Hedwig didn't die, she got injured and came back.
          
          2.) Fred's 'death' was another prank
          
          3.) Harry can still fucking speak parseltounge, fight me

Harry: teddy said a bad word today
          
          *everyone looks at draco*
          
          Draco: oh what, it’s always the fucking slytherin it’s always fucking malfoy when you mother-
          
          Draco: oh. 

draco: what are you doing?
          
          draco: what are you doing?????
          
          harry: really with the double text?
          
          draco: you think I care about a double text?
          
          draco: fuck you
          
          draco: I'll quadruple text you
          
          draco: buzz buzz it's me again bitch

Fact:
          The first Harry Potter book was published in 1998, the same year as the Battle of Hogwarts.
          
          "I open at the close"