Tecchou/Dazai

Ya'll I just read "A spring without you is coming" and it's safe to say I'm disappointed, not in the story or the writing that was fantastic but the fact people cry over this is fascinating to me because for me it's sad but not enough to make me cry. I didn't cry or even tear up and the fact that people said they where crying in the comments, just didn't make sense to. It might just be the fact I process emotions and especially sadness different then the average human. But other all  really good fic.

One thing I love about my mom, is that it's 10 at night and my mom is sitting on the couch watching something and I walked into the living room and just asked her to make me noodles and she said ok and told me to pick out what kind I want. This is one of the reasons I love my mom so much. It might just be the fact I don't eat a lot so this is a rare thing but it still makes me happy.

Oh my gods I was soooo close to just asking my mom for a binder. Like tonight was not a great night I was crying and stuff and I was ranting to my mom. And how FUCKING OBVIOUS DO I NEED TO BE FOR THIS WOMAN TO UNDERSTAND, DO I JUST NEED TO SAY I'M TRANS. I like was talking to her about how much I didn't like my body and how I felt uncomfortable and she's like "yeah your a teenager your body is changing" and like no mom. I literally said I don't like my boob's or the fact i'm a girl, I literally said I want to be more masculine, like have a flat chest and a deeper voice. Like girl pick up on the signs, i'm not even trying to hide it at this point because i'm just done. I have flat out told her i don't like my body, I wish I wasn't a girl, and I'm pretty sure I've said that I wanna be a guy before. My mom is just dumb, I've literally gave you the signs on a golden plater

So you all know Mori's ability 'Vita Sexualis' well if you have read the actual book or done any research on it, it's about an Asexual man in a oversexuallised world. And irl Mori himself was a victim of CSA. And I don't think Asagiri would disrespect irl Mori that bad by making him a P3do. If you think about the scene where his says he "doesn't like girls over 12" I pretty sure that was said as a joke. I'm gonna make a book all about talking about Mori and what other people have said to protect him because I'm not good at in.

I love that I can just walk into my sister's room and start doing the nerodivergint screech at her and they will start doing it back. I love have a fellow nerodivergint as a sister.

My sister just scared the living fuck out of me. It's 11:25 and I got up because I left my cup in the living room and my sister heard me and a few seconds after I got back to my room I hear my door creek so I assumed it was my cat so I turned to look at my door and I see an arm then a body and I freak out thinking someone broke in but it was just my sister and now I'm not gonna sleep tonight unless i go to my parents bedroom because I'm terrified and I have very bad paranoia

Welp I have to go to a doctor's appointment wish me luck

Welp I just found out my partner's dad hates me because I'm apparently a brat but that's fine because I hate him too because he yells at her 3 year old brother and her mom and her too. I really want to beat him up and tell him to fuck off because he has no right to yell at his family.

Warning - I have not been diagnosed, these are my own thoughts, no I am not self-diagnosing myself, I am not going to believe stuff I find on the internet but I still should get some tests done or something
          
          
          Anyways, so I think I have BPD and for the people who don't know what BPD is, borderline personality disorder also known as BPD is
          
          "A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.
          The cause of borderline personality disorder isn't well understood. Diagnosis is made based on symptoms.
          
          Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships.
          
          Treatments include talk therapy or, in some cases, medications. Hospitalization helps if symptoms are severe."(from Google)
          
          Now BPD is a very bad thing and can affect how the person lives their live, now I have all of the symptoms that Google says people with BPD have and I look something else up too
          
          "The 9 symptoms of BPD
          Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. ... ✔️
          Unstable relationships. ...✔️
          Unclear or shifting self-image. ...✔️
          Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. ...✔️
          Self-harm. ...✔️
          Extreme emotional swings. ...✔️
          Chronic feelings of emptiness. ...✔️
          Explosive anger."
          
          I have all of the ones with checks, I was gonna check the Explosive anger but that's a bit more rare for me. Again this is just what I think, the only reason I looked stuff up for BPD is cuz my partner brought something up about me having it.
          
          What do you think?
          
          Idk I'm a bit scared cuz it's pretty rare and can be hard to treat but people with BPD can get a service dog(not an emotional animal) to help them and idk I was interesting to look stuff up about it

IT'S SNOWING WHERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH I'M SO HAPPY, IT'S SNOWING AND I GET TO GO SEE MY PARTNER ALL IN THAT SAME DAY!!!!!!!!