Why?

Bro last night I had to give one of my friends relationship advice TwT and I'm not great at that even though I'm literally in two relationships T^T
          
          But at least it was about something I can easily understand, because I told him that he needs to kinda "force" his partner to actually communicate with him because his partner was kinda ignoring him and he thought that he was just overthinking things and was really stressed about it. I can totally understand why he was stressed though because he's part of a system and whenever he asked his partner if they were comfortable with him being part of a system they just wouldn't answer. So I told him they he needs to get them to talk to him because if he doesn't their relationship is gonna have lots of problems in the future.
          
          It was kinda stressful cuz I was afraid I was gonna say the wrong thing and have him freak out even more T^T but thankfully he understood what I was saying and I helped him calm down and help him make a plan

Wattpad has been really quiet today lol

.......
          
          
          
          We just lost our last two chickens :(
          
          Something got in again and killed them

My headphones are dead, i'm legit panicking cuz constantly listening to something has been the only thing stopping me from doing something I'll regret
          
          
          Idk what to do right now, I wish I had a back up pair of headphones I could use but I don't
          
          The thoughts are so loud without my headphones, I can't breathe

The fact that I only ate this morning was because I was literally shaking when I woke up TwT
          
          Like involuntary shaking, which probably wasn't a good thing tbh T^T I didn't eat anything for like 33 hours so it makes sense

I don't feel like my normal self right now..... so please excuse me if I act weird or rude in anyway. I don't mean it
          
          Also if I disappear for a few weeks don't worry, I'm probably fine

(Sorry for announcing this twice, I saw some spelling mistakes and they were make me annoyed and I had to fix them)
          
          
          I'm ok :)
          
          
          Not really
          
          
          I don't know anymore
          
          I worked myself up yesterday about what would happen if whatever was happening with my partner was deadly and what I would do if they died
          
          Which was nonsensical because they obviously wasn't gonna die, it was just their hearing. I mean they did text me today saying they lost 65% of their hearing in their left ear because of it.
          
          But my brain instinctly went to situations where they were gonna die(because I have extremely bad paranoia)
          
          And you can kinda imagine what a person with my mental state would go to when they are worried person they cared the most about and was their first love is gonna die, so I literally starting coming up with plans, what I write to people i care about, how I would do it, when I would do it, where i would do it, all the work, all of that shit.
          
          
          And now I can't get it out of my head even though I know they will probably be ok because they are already out of the hospital but I just.... can't get it out of my head. I'm not gonna do it but the thoughts and images of me doing it won't go away...

OMGS my partner is in the fucking hospital!
          
          Apparently their hearing went out in their right ear, rung really loud for 10 seconds then the hearing came back but it was really muffled and they said it's happened 3 times
          
          I really hope that their gonna be ok
          
          what is today? Today has been so hectic T^T

I am not having a good day today
          
          My partners mom just cancelled our hang out literally minutes before we were gonna leave because and I quote "She(they) woke up very mood and was being disrespectful" and now I'm trying not to have a breakdown
          
          I hate when we have plans and they get canceled when we're about to leave
          I hate when plans in general are canceled
          
          I hate this, I wanna bang my head against the wall and just sob till I pass out
          
          Why now? Why did this have to happen now when I'm already in a VERY vulnerable mental state and have very little care for my life. Why did it have to happen when I was already having a rough time. Why? Just Why? Does the world hate me?

We just lost two of our chickens.........
          
          Including Fluff Boss, my baby....