Hey pal,

I've come to see the sites, woo the ladies, and work the word "fuck" into every sentence. You seem like a nice chap, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret......I have no fucking literary skills, whatsoever. Oh, and you, my little clam chowder, aren't very fucking bright for thinking that was an actual fucking secret. 

Fuck, I just realized there is a word count on this bio of mine. That's a fucking pain, because I love to talk, especially to you, my dip-dyed polar bear. So here's how it is; I'm going to attempt creating some interesting type of novel and in the process read as many of your  works as I can. I fucking come in peace.

So thank you for your time, as it is precious (talk to the little white rabbit). I hope to meet you some day, which is quite impossible by the way seeing as I reside in many fucking different time-dimensions. But.....it's nice to be with you right here, right now. 

The best of luck, honey-pot, I hope you find a reason to live and live it to the fullest. 
Go wild, get crazy, wear your underwear inside-out and never forget that someone loves you.
                                  
-The Original Freak-