this message may be offensive
dear james,
it has been three years since i last saw you .. three years since you held me , since we kissed , since we had sex . three years away from you , away from my paradise , my safe place . i have heard from hotch that you were still working and seemed fine .. but i know you . i know every single part of you , and i know you're not doing as fine as you want people to believe .
i am not doing fine either . not that i can complain .. if you were there , you'd probably blame me for leaving , the way i beat myself over it every single second . not a day goes by without a tear shed for you .. my therapist told me to write you this letter . she said it would help me move on .. but she doesn't get it . i can't move on from my will to live .
i tried to end it all last week . and the month before that . i had enough . how can i live with myself when i have lost all i care about ? wilson you were my reason to live , you saved my life once already .. i need you so bad but i'm never getting you back .
I'm sorry I put us through this . i am so sorry .. worst in all this is , i know if i was given the opportunity to stop this unsub again , i would do it in a heartbeat ..
you're never going to read this letter , you can never know I'm even alive .. but i love you . i love you so much , you're my best friend, my family, my lover .
a tear fell right onto the paper - soaking it , blurring the words. " this is bullshit " he muttered and torn the paper, throwing it away . tears down his cheeks .