Hey ladies

Anytime you're ready for a sexy beast to share a bag of spicy Doritos with, I'm right here ;)

Unless you like tennis. But don't worry, even if you do like tennis I know the perfect guy for you. He's my cousin Seb. I mean, he isn't as hunky as me, but at least he's something. 

I'm really good at math. And if you need a tutor this is usually how sessions go: You add the bed, I subtract the clothes, then you divide your legs. Just don't multiply. 

Mom: "TONY CHRISTOPHER EVANS WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SAYING THAT TO INNOCENT GIRLS."

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


"I'm on a bag of Doritos. #lifegoals."
-Dad

"Have you ever tried shawarma? I don't know what it is but I want to try it."
-Uncle Tony

"You work at a post office? 'Cause I saw you checking out my package."
-Me

"Hormones"
-Cousin Seb
 #SmolSteveProtectionSquad

Winky face is my aesthetic ;)

My favorite number is 135475

Don't say l*t

//admins:
@-EtherealBarnes
@madelinel0we
@becca_parker
@vibranixm

^^^dem bitches be getting 12% of the credit on my book.