TheRegretful

Yesterday I lost the love of my life, my puppy who's been with me since I was two. He's my everything. My heart, my hope, my love, my safe place. When my pride became too strong and I couldn't bring myself to even cry in front of my own mother (who is very kind and supportive) I still had him to comfort me and love me unconditionally. I saw a memory from six years ago on facebook with a picture of me and my baby and I captioned it "Very soon I'll be able to wake up to him everyday." Since at the time we were living apart.
          	
          	It's funny how the world works to be honest. It was like it was trying to help me grieve since I have a mental block when it comes to feeling emotions. It's a way to protect myself from falling apart. I honestly went on facebook to find a distraction but wound up falling completely to pieces over how happy I was in that picture. It's amazing because when I tried to distract myself with cleaning as well, I found pictures of him and me nearly everywhere.
          	
          	The world would not let me do what I usually do, what I unconsciously do, and it forced me to feel. I'd like to think that my baby boy, Shippo, had some part in that. Since I no longer had him by my side physically, it comforted me to think that he may have taken part in this. Even in death, my love is protecting me by making me face myself.
          	
          	I'm not healed, I'm not a hundred percent okay and I will never stop missing him like crazy. But I know now that he will never leave me alone and he will never stop loving me.
          	He gave me a reason to live, to breathe and keep fighting through my worst moments where all I wanted to do was give up.
          	
          	For him I'll fight. I'll do better and keep my head up. I'll force myself to open up and reach for the things I want instead of giving up on them cause it's "too hard"
          	After all, I've just faced my greatest fear today. So I might as well give it my al.
          	
          	Thank you Shippo, for healing me when I would only break myself further.
          	For loving me when I couldn't love myself.

TheRegretful

Recently I celebrated the love of my life's one year death anniversary.
          	  This is a couple weeks late but it's quite shocking to believe that's it's already been over a year since he's left me. To be honest it feels like not even a month has passed since then. As if no time went by at all.
          	  Although it feels like this event only happened recently, quite a bit has changed.
          	  I've accomplished a few personal goals I never thought I would and even started thinking properly about my future.
          	  I switched jobs, got a new car, started thinking about going back to school as well as possibly seeking a higher position in my place of work.
          	  I've even considered taking a long brewing story that's never touched the internet and actually publishing it.
          	  I'm doing and thinking about a lot of things that me from a year ago would have laughed off. I never thought I'd be able to continue on for long without him but here I am. I'm doing my best in memory of him.
          	  Your one year anniversary wasn't easy to get through but I felt a sense of comfort revisiting the memories of that day. How you left this earth was the last way I wanted it. I didn't want to have to make the call but it came down to letting you go or being selfish. And I had already been selfish enough. In the end it was a blessing in disguise. The last thing you saw was my absolute adoration for you. That it wasn't the me that that job had turned me into but the me that loved you more than life itself. Where I feel I wasn't my best near your end, I am thankful I got the chance to right that wrong and show you just how much you're loved. I will continue to try my best in your honor. For my love who had spent his life protecting mine.
          	  Thank you Shippo. For all of your love, even in death.
          	  Rest well my Angel.
• Reply

TheRegretful

Yesterday I lost the love of my life, my puppy who's been with me since I was two. He's my everything. My heart, my hope, my love, my safe place. When my pride became too strong and I couldn't bring myself to even cry in front of my own mother (who is very kind and supportive) I still had him to comfort me and love me unconditionally. I saw a memory from six years ago on facebook with a picture of me and my baby and I captioned it "Very soon I'll be able to wake up to him everyday." Since at the time we were living apart.
          
          It's funny how the world works to be honest. It was like it was trying to help me grieve since I have a mental block when it comes to feeling emotions. It's a way to protect myself from falling apart. I honestly went on facebook to find a distraction but wound up falling completely to pieces over how happy I was in that picture. It's amazing because when I tried to distract myself with cleaning as well, I found pictures of him and me nearly everywhere.
          
          The world would not let me do what I usually do, what I unconsciously do, and it forced me to feel. I'd like to think that my baby boy, Shippo, had some part in that. Since I no longer had him by my side physically, it comforted me to think that he may have taken part in this. Even in death, my love is protecting me by making me face myself.
          
          I'm not healed, I'm not a hundred percent okay and I will never stop missing him like crazy. But I know now that he will never leave me alone and he will never stop loving me.
          He gave me a reason to live, to breathe and keep fighting through my worst moments where all I wanted to do was give up.
          
          For him I'll fight. I'll do better and keep my head up. I'll force myself to open up and reach for the things I want instead of giving up on them cause it's "too hard"
          After all, I've just faced my greatest fear today. So I might as well give it my al.
          
          Thank you Shippo, for healing me when I would only break myself further.
          For loving me when I couldn't love myself.

TheRegretful

Recently I celebrated the love of my life's one year death anniversary.
            This is a couple weeks late but it's quite shocking to believe that's it's already been over a year since he's left me. To be honest it feels like not even a month has passed since then. As if no time went by at all.
            Although it feels like this event only happened recently, quite a bit has changed.
            I've accomplished a few personal goals I never thought I would and even started thinking properly about my future.
            I switched jobs, got a new car, started thinking about going back to school as well as possibly seeking a higher position in my place of work.
            I've even considered taking a long brewing story that's never touched the internet and actually publishing it.
            I'm doing and thinking about a lot of things that me from a year ago would have laughed off. I never thought I'd be able to continue on for long without him but here I am. I'm doing my best in memory of him.
            Your one year anniversary wasn't easy to get through but I felt a sense of comfort revisiting the memories of that day. How you left this earth was the last way I wanted it. I didn't want to have to make the call but it came down to letting you go or being selfish. And I had already been selfish enough. In the end it was a blessing in disguise. The last thing you saw was my absolute adoration for you. That it wasn't the me that that job had turned me into but the me that loved you more than life itself. Where I feel I wasn't my best near your end, I am thankful I got the chance to right that wrong and show you just how much you're loved. I will continue to try my best in your honor. For my love who had spent his life protecting mine.
            Thank you Shippo. For all of your love, even in death.
            Rest well my Angel.
• Reply