TheTorturedPoet13

what has humanity come to? what do you MEAN millions of books are being destroyed for the sake of AI??!!?!?! hello? :,( literally why is no one stopping this

my cat is truly my best friend EVER i love him i can’t live without him he’s so precious

the fact that he killed nanami is not even the reason i hate mahito so much. it’s the fact that he killed mechamaru. he never got to meet miwa in person. everyone thought he betrayed them. he just wanted to live as a person instead of the robot. i will never stop crying for him. 
          
          no one will ever make me like mahito. i despise that thing. WHY DID HE HAVE TO KILL THEM AL HELLO?? and then kenjaku just ate him, so that’s okay but still. hate him.

it just got to my attention that multiple people i no longer speak to probably thought of me when taylor swift got engaged. i bet you think about me for real :^ 
          
          i hope they think of me every time she and sabrina carpenter and harry styles does anything tbh, just to be reminded of how dirty they did me :))

spent the evening eating at a streetfood with my parents and sister, she got emotional when we dropped her off because her roommate won’t be home for two days and a lot of her friends are out partying and she’s just at home. i cried on the drive home. i love her so much i wish she knew how much she truly means to me and it has been so difficult for me after she moved out because what do you mean she won’t randomly come into my room to annoy me :( i truly think she is the most important person of my entire life. 

when we graduate i actually hope that my boyfriend goes up to one of them and just punches them. he truly does not give a fuck about the school either anymore so the only thing stopping him would be his dad or mine. but then again, i think they would join in if it came to that. what would the school do? they cant very much kick him out on the literal last day we are ever there. everything about this makes me sick. it’s three am. i am going to listen to all them horses by noah kahan now, and look forward to visiting my sister tomorrow. 

the principal said to me that since i couldn’t tell her what they said and the fact that none of them laid a hand on me, meant that she could not even call it ‘mild bullying’. i am traumatized, and it is not considered bullying? i cant sleep at all if the door to my bedroom is to my right. i moved rooms these past months so i know, trust me. i have had to sleep with music on for 80% of the time afterwards because i keep hearing their voices yelling at me when everything is quiet. i almost switched schools, considered moving in at my grandma’s house just for the last six months of my school time. we even looked to see if it was possible to sent me abroad as an exchange student two years earlier than we were originally planning. this had changed my life. 4 minutes is all it takes. 240 seconds. 240. seconds. they had to sent me out of the fucking back door when i left early that day. not only me, but my best guy friend (at the time) and boyfriend too. mostly because the teachers were scared that they would try to fight the ones who did it though. 

they never even apologized or anything. they stopped for maybe two or three months but they’ve been calling for me and shouting when i walk by them every once in a while like they did in the start. it makes sense that they don’t change their behavior much because the only consequence they had was a talk with the principal, their teacher and then a call home. meanwhile me? i could not physically sleep for 72 hours after. my whole body was on full alert, and i could not do anything. still happens, or else i obviously wouldn’t write this. i did not and still don’t feel truly safe inside the walls of that school, and i don’t think i ever will again. even before what happened they were harassing me and my friends, but to corner a girl inside a classroom while she’s completely alone and yell things at her? 10-12 boys my age. i knew maybe three of them. i don’t even remember what they said to me. i just remember one or two of them coming all the way up in my face and saying some nasty things. a lot of the time afterwards i have spent wishing that they had done something physical to me.

sometimes i wonder if they have any idea how much what they did has affected me. it’s been eight months. i go to fucking therapy for self harm at this point. fucking hate that but that’s a different story. no one really seems to understand that i still think about it every single day. not just when i see them at school or in town (i haven’t really had normal school for two months atp so haven’t really seen them) but just- every single second it’s in my head. i get these flashbacks, of them coming through the door. i thought this would be something i would unpack in therapy, kind of heal from it but it’s never me talking about what i want, there’s always a plan for the hour. i don’t want to do this anymore. i’m graduating in less than two weeks from this shitty ass school and hopefully i will never see them that closely again. 

i’m going to see conan gray with my best friend btw i don’t think i have told you all