Julia >.<

I’m not doing well ): 

I lost one of my really good friends today. We got in a huge fight and I'm just done trying ): 

I keep tearing up because of how happy I am. I had my first kiss. I can't fucking believe it. I never thought this day would come. I've been dreaming about it for years. 
          
          I can't help but cry tears of joy when I think about it. 
          
          I'm so fucking happy.

I really need some advice. Please please please someone message me for some help. 

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
          
          Honestly, it's so hard to even believe. I keep telling myself that I have a boyfriend and it makes me so happy. He makes me so happy. 

We went on our first official date last night :) I'm so happy. He's so amazing 

I can't believe this is happening to me. I never thought it would. He had his arm around me last night & I was leaning on him & it was amazing. I never thought  guy could actually like me. 
          
          I'm so happy. 
          
          I want to talk about him, but I've annoyed all my friends enough, so anyone want to message me and hear me go on and on about him? I would really like that :) 

I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY. I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT OH MY HELL IT IS. I CAN'T STOP SMILING. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY FRIENDS AND FOR HOW LUCKY I GOT. MY LIFE HAS COMPLETELY TURNED AROUND AND I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY. 
          
          I CAN'T STOP SMILING. 

Holy shit I've missed a lot. JJ left the fucking sidemen?!? 
          
          Honestly all the shit that is happening with them makes me so sad. These guys were there for me when no one else was. They made me see the light, see happiness, when I felt I would be stuck in darkness forever. They saved me and seeing this happen breaks my heart. 
          
          I knew it would happen eventually, but it still saddens me. 

I'm stupid stupid stupid