tw: suicide, death.
my senior (the only good senior in my immediate senior batch) died by suicide 12 days ago and I've just started coming to terms with it. the fact that the brightest face, smile won't be here on campus or on any part of the globe is shattering.
there's so much pain in the world and we're all aware of that all the time but things like this come as a brutal reminder of them, of struggles that so many of us are going through.
she must have tried to fight this feeling for a lot of days and her final decision doesn't take away any of that courage.
i know, everyone says this but let's be kinder and gentler to at least the people we know. i want to say that if people are suffering help is available but as someone who has tried looking for professional help, it's expensive and physically inaccessible in a lot of parts of India.
i don't know what to say, i don't have anything positive to say either. maybe i am just mumbling to get it off my chest and this is a safe space for that.
if you're going through something, i wish all the courage in the world upon you. everyday that you wake up and try to survive in this flawed world is precious. i hope whatever that is troubling you passes away. speaking from experience, however dark the night maybe, the morning does come. hang on.
also, depression might make you feel loveless and unimportant but when I feel that way I try to look around and see the people who actually would be affected, even in the slightest way, by my absence. this senior didn't know but so many people loved her just for being the sweetheart and smiling at us juniors in the first year when we were terrified of her batch. since the dead know everything i hope she knows how the little things about her cheered us up and made our days.
rest in peace, ma'am. you've left a void in our hearts. i hope wherever you are, you are offered the peace this world didn't give you.
