Welcome to my Wattpad account, stranger.

This is a very special place. For very special people to look at my stupid and magnificent writeries. 

This is where I make my imagination flap its wings, realize it's too fat to fly, then send it crashing down into the faces of unsuspecting strangers.

Among other news, I am a pretty amazing swimmer. 25 seconds is my finest hold-your-breath record. 

Beat that, dweebs.

Panama hats ARE cool. No questions.

I make covers. Don't worry, they don't bite.