The Cynical Idealist

…Hello there.
          
          It has been a really fucking long time, hasn't it?
          
          Okay. I should probably explain myself here. Last time I logged into Wattpad, I said I was done with my online activities. I was going to focus on "real life" and other such things. Have that totally perfect life I'd crafted in my idealistic head.
          
          HA. What was I thinking?
          
          Over the course of a year and a half, therapeutic boarding school brainwashed me. I've spent the last year relearning how to live in this world again. Now, approaching the one-year anniversary of "graduating" from (reading: getting the hell out of) my program, I realize what my online life meant to me. What my friends meant to me. I allowed you to fade out of my life to pursue my selfish goals. I began to believe that I was better off without my internet friends, that somehow the friendships I crafted through cyberspace were less real than those in the outside world. And then, tonight, all at once, I realized that was simply bullshit. Thus began a frantic internet search. I hoped desperately that I'd find someone, anyone from my life before boarding school. I went back to my old Sims 3 page, and looked at my final post on the site. Reading my words, and your comments… It made my heart hurt. I literal, physical, heartache. It all came rushing back, how important my online community was to me. But the site was barren. I could practically see the tumbleweeds rolling across the screen. And so I came here. At this point, I barely remember anything. My memory is shit. Details of my life become blurred beyond recognition, but the feelings still remain. So here I am, crawling back, on my knees, begging for your forgiveness. For your friendship. I am so sorry for forgetting you. And I will never let it happen again.
          
          On another note, I read my old works on this site. Wow… I have changed a helluva lot. I mean. Um. Sheesh. I was quite the dramatic one. Immature, too. You all deserve medals for putting up with me! Hehe.
          
          *end rambling*

Status: Well, this time tomorrow I'll be at boarding school, living out hell. Bye guys. (1 year ago)
          
          ...1 year ago.
          Wow that hurts.
          
          It's Ash, I changed my username. Change is good, right? Yeah. Alright. I miss you.

Dude, I'm not gonna lie, I just now saw the goodbye letter and I teared up a bit.  And I never cry.

I wanna say I hope you come back to, but you're the one who said this to me I think, don't give yourself false hope. I wish I could give some I love you I miss you message, but I think everything I'm feeling is something beyond or beneath that, I don't even know but its different and it hurts a lot.

I've missed you the last 8 months, and I'll continue to miss you forever. I hope one day you'll stop by for a couple hours and tell us some stories. Much love, Kimmie ♥

I miss you like crazy, Ellers, and I hope you come back to us one day. And if not, I hope you're doing well regardless. Miss you a lot! *Hugs*

Guys I told some of you this but Shira said Ella isn't really going to come back for a little bit because she needs even more time  away I guess, WHICH MEANS MORE TIME TO GIVE MORE SPAM MESSAGES

Just a random comment passing through.

Good luck at boarding school, Ella! xoxoxo

@MikoMay I think so. And Shira mentioned to me on Facebook that'd she'd be back in June, but she never said if it was for good or for a few days.