this message may be offensive
I’m 20 years old. But it’s only today that I became aware of certain things about the way my brain is wired. Things that, during school and home life, had me crumbling and breaking down.
Simply put. I despised myself. Because I was unable to do things that neurotypical people could do through effort. I was trying in a space not made to accommodate the way my brain worked, and I became dejected and somewhat jaded with myself because I saw as myself as someone who has a high chance of never being able to make it in life.
I wrote stories to essentially get away from life. And I thrived there. I immersed myself in all my reworking of some of my favourite existing works. It’s weird saying this. But when I was 15-16 I tried to end myself but didn’t. Why? Cause I was scared. I’m glad I didn’t make that irreversible choice. And, I’m glad I persevered and shit answers to the way I functioned. ASD, Executive dysfunction, ADHD, Metacognition, to name a few. It has not been easy stumbling through life like that, especially when no one knew, and all assumed I was just a no good lazy bum who didn’t wanna try in life. I was even compelled to believe it was true. But again, I kept searching for answers and I arrived at it.
For once. I feel a sense of clarity that I never thought I would feel. Because I can now work with my brain instead of against it. And, I can maybe actually work towards achieving the goals I thought would be unattainable. Maybe this isn’t the place to say this stuff, but I don’t use social media really, and I’ve been on Wattpad since as far back as lockdown. I felt the need to express myself, so I’ve gone and done it here. Thanks for reading if you did.
