Charlie

please someone help me get out of the never ending black hole i got stuck into

i dont cut anymore, nor do i drink smoke or do drugs, im better now, i guess, but god im so lonely. everyday is the same. wake up, do my makeup, get dressed, but on my shoes and backpack, grab my keys, put on my headphones, listen to music on my way to the bus stop, get on bus, get to school, get stressed at school, cry in bathroom, go back to class, sit alone listening to music reading girl in pieces during lunch, cry again, go back to class, finish school, run home, and then go to bed and rot there. i dont talk to anyone unless i really really need to, i dont have friends either. sometimes i wanna go back to old habits, but i know old habits wont fix anything. i have to try. and i am, i am trying so hard, but nothing really seems to change, i want friends. but everyone hates me and bullies me so it seems almost impossible, my only friend moved schools, the only person who actually treated me like a person, but ill move schools soon, ill make friends. they will leave me, make more friends but they will leave me too. its all a never ending cycle and i dont know how to make it stop. i want it to stop but it continues and continues and its scary. all i want is just one good friend but i cant even get that.

i want friends like me so badly

i wanted to move schools but alas, my bad luck made it so theres no space at that school. still lookin for a school though cause i hate the school im at right now cuz i got no friends, fuck ms 51 and all the people there.

i wish everyone would just fuck off and leave me alone, but at the same time i want someone to take care of me, to draw stars on my scars, to make me laugh until i can't breath, im so fucking lonely but im not alone.

he's so beautiful and funny i just wanna grab his face and make out with him until we cant breathe

im on a call with my best friend and im so hopelessly in love with him it's disgusting

hanging out with random stoners you will never see or talk to again>>>

dont know what i wanted, i have a memory, back at that party, i was all over her. 
          
          we didnt make out, or do anything, i just remembered i was lonely.
          i guess i am always, its not a problem, its just something, i got used to it.
          now every stranger, makes me feel safer, and every person seems more beautiful.

who want's to drink vodka with me until we are rubbing the others back while the other throws up in the toilet?